The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So yesterday (Christmas Eve) I was charged with taking daughter to her fathers so that she could spend Christmas there.
My mother and I cooked up a plan where we would visit her first, and have dinner, and then we would drive to drop daughter off at her fathers and I'd catch the train home. All of my siblings said they would be present and youngest brother (the only one who doesn't live "at home" anymore) seemed quite enthusiastic about it all, saying it was going to be the first time we "did our own Christmas" (at my mothers house). (Usually everyone goes to my grandmothers for lunch on Christmas Day and my siblings and I attend sporadically because we are sort of the collective family pariah). I know my mum was really pleased that he was coming anyway; she talked about it all week.
Anyway baby brother called me early in the day, still pumped up (and drunk) after working all night the night before (he's a musician). He seemed super excited about the whole arrangement. When I arrived, hours later, we waited for as long as we could and he didn't turn up and didn't answer his phone, and it was fairly apparent that he had passed out and, well, such is life, huh? Oldest brother was called into work at the last minute, middle brother was hung over and ate and then went back to bed and sister spent the night out in the lane talking to some unknown person and drinking champagne. So it was just daughter and I, and my parents mostly. We gave them candles we had made the day before (they turned out nicely actually). They gifted me with a bottle of expensive perfume that I have been coveting for some time. Yay
It was a really pleasant evening anyway. I took a nice walk with step-dad and their dog and chatted about their travels to India, enjoyed the meal very much, and then, it got late and mum and I both felt a bit nervous about me walking to my car at the train station at 1am (its not a real safe station) and so, mother drove me all the way (it's a long drive and I felt bad that she then had to drive all the way back alone). But we had a good conversation and she explained that she's decided to stop making so much effort to please people that make her feel bad about herself (extended family members etc) and that she'd decided she'd just attend the lunch the next day with no expectations and she wasn't cooking anything as it is always rejected/ridiculed so she had instead just contributed to the food bill and was leaving it at that. Go mum. She seemed so much more relaxed. Don't know what's come over her; if I didn't know better I'd swear she had been attending meetings lol. (No, I really don't think that's likely).
I got home around 1am, and slept long and late. I spent the afternoon reading the book I bought myself as a Christmas present and decided I was glad to be at home as it's extremely hot and not good travelling weather. Daughter messaged me to tell me she wants me to pay for her spotify account (mhhm, merry christmas to you too kid) and then she sent me a flood of texts complaining about her presents etc. I decided, maybe it's OK that she's elsewhere lol. (I'm kidding). (Sort of). (lol).
Anyway I decided I wanted to be able to smell my perfume so I went and put some on before. That's crazy sacrilege right? Sitting in my beat up old comfy chair, completely alone, dressed in an old tshirt and track pants watching movies on Christmas day, smelling like expensive perfume. I thought that was a very al-anon thing to do LOL.
I'm quite happy and content really. It's been a perfectly pleasant, quiet and low stress Christmas. I enjoyed dinner with my parents on Christmas Eve far more than I usually enjoy the big family lunch and we spoke of making it a regular event. I like where this is headed.
Mother called me this afternoon to wish me a Merry Christmas and she said that none of my siblings bar 1 went to the lunch and she didn't care; she was glad they were able to chose what was best for them. (Wait, what?) Ordinarily she would be upset because it made her 'look bad" when any of us didn't attend. I thought it was very cool that she'd decided to not take it personally and look out for herself.
So anyway, that's my Christmas wrap-up. I hope everyone had a serene day, however you spent it, and I will now go back to sitting in the blast furnace that is my living room tonight, reading my book and smelling absolutely fantastic.
(((everyone)))
-- Edited by MissM on Sunday 25th of December 2016 09:42:40 AM
So glad to hear about your joyful Christmas, with miracles happening, Miss M. Here on the U.S. west coast, my Christmas Day is just beginning and it's going to be great.
It is so nice to hear that you saw changes in your mother -- even without meetings on her part, as far as we know. Just a thought, that perhaps changes in yourself are spreading to other people. It could be! Sometimes we give a gift to others just by being ourselves.
Enjoy your special perfume and reading ... it sounds blissful.
It is great to see that you are rubbing off on your mom. That is the only explanation I can see for her change in attitude. Yea for you!!! Sometimes what we do and think and feel has an effect on things that we don't even have on our radar, or we think "no, that will never happen", and then we get surprised. Another "more will be revealed" moment.
And it all ended up very well and you passed it on to the family. Mel...mahalo for your caring. I sponsored a morning meeting which one other guy arrived at which was great. He is a newbie who recently came back into recovery and needed to dump his wagon and hear himself rant and get over it. It was a great meeting and I like growing by newbies....(((hugs)))
