The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AF is drinking again. Actually, I think the only time he doesn't drink is when he's in the hospital, which now seems to be happening on at least an annual basis. This weekend we'll all be at his and my step-mom's house. I'm dreading it because it seems like he's slowly but surely dissolving. Even when he's not drunk, he hardly does anything other than sleep. He complains about his physical ailments, but won't do anything to fix them and doesn't take his medication a good portion of the time. There is extra stress this Christmas because of problems that my siblings and grandparents are working through. I lost my job earlier this year and I know that my AF is worried about that.
I do have hope about finding a new job, but I'm not feeling hopeful about my AF's drinking and his health problems (cirrhosis being the most significant). I find myself having all these conversations with him in my head about all of the potential for good things happening and all the missed opportunities he's had to build a happier life for himself and the impact that his lack of self-care has on everyone else. And then I realize you can't have a rational argument with irrational ways of thinking. There's no way I can argue my father out of his alcoholism. I remind myself about the 3 C's, but it just hurts so much and it's so hard to stay in the moment when I'm around him. My negative feelings always seem just on the edge of spilling over.
Hi Mikhail, so sorry to hear you are struggling. The disease is terrible, and it is so difficult the way it affects the entire family.
I know from reading your earlier posts that you seemed to find relief when you attended face to face AlAnon meetings, I hope you have been able to keep those in your routine. I was able to make it through some of my most stressful times by attending as many meetings as I could fit in my week along with daily reading and meditation.
Great realization you shared: can not rationalize away the effects of alcoholism, and it is painful to behold. I am grateful in times like these for the strength and guidance of the program and my higher power. Hang in there, our thoughts are with you
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
(((Mikhail))) - sorry that you're struggling - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Keep working your program as best you can and my favorite tool during the holidays is One Day (MOMENT) at a Time.
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
