The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am going home for the holidays-for 4 days only. I will be going with my abf and driving 9 hours. He will be sober, so he says. I will be going home and spending time with my mother who is an active alcoholic. Dear god help me...I know I can and will walk away if the situation becomes intolerable. I have a plan B already set up. I have siblings who are sober and I can go there if I need to. I will be staying with my sober sister so that will be good. I just have to make the best of it and pray my ass off not to react with anger and fear and disgust and just accept and try and enjoy the moment.
I was thinking too, about how the alcoholics drink, they guzzle the booze down so fast its like what your on your 5 drink in less than an hour? Its like they love the state of being out of it. Acceptance, acceptance..its hard. I am baffled that they love the alcohol so much that they have to GUZZLE it down as fast as they can, as if it will disappear anytime soon. And they have to drink every bit of it till they have drank it all...and they still want more...its baffling...acceptance...and then they are out of it...right out of it...then its time to walk away and let them be...just let them be till they sober up. What an insane way to be...but its their life and choice and there is nothing I can say or do..acceptance...all I can do it walk away till its safe to be around them again...I do not have to stay, I can walk away! For the moment, for the day, for the hour!
I will be needing to really focus on me and my well being, and not take it personally. Not my problem, not my circus. I have to remember, don't react, just let them be, and walk away...get to safety for myself. My well being needs to come first...
I will be praying hard during this trip...and try and enjoy the good, and let the bad go...and just take it one day, one step at a time and just let the alcoholics go and be themselves...acceptance...
I feel anxiety but it will be what it will be and just pray to HP to help me...and help me to see the good despite the alcoholics drinking...I will be leaving on Wednesday...I am happy to be getting away from the city and just being around family I have not seen for 2 years...will be interesting...I just have to pause and breath and know that I can leave the situation anytime it becomes intolerable...I have a choice!
wonderful post (((big hugs))) This works very well for me (take what you like....) your second paragraph is all about watching them and what THEY look like.... but don't do that this time... watch YOU... go in and watch what is going on in between your ears... watch your reactions... all your feelings bubbling up... pay attention to YOU and all your feelings....whatever they do or say, watch your insides and inner voice playing.
On the outside, it looks like I'm just very quiet today... smiling, smiling, smiling.....
And when I have to get away because I'm feeling vulnerable to acting out on my feelings... I often go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror and affirm, "This is hard (honesty) this is really hard for me... (and I put my hand over my heart)..... and then I tell myself, "This is part of life....." (acceptance).... and then, "can I hold this in kindness... (turning my will and life over to God) ...remembering that they themselves are so very powerless over their disease. It works very well for me to befriend myself, pour on the self-compassion, and soothe myself.
I can always act as if I'm listening when in fact, I'm saying the SERENITY PRAYER in my head over and over and over..... they never know.
I LOVE how you KNOW you have choices for how to spend your precious time over YOUR holiday... opening your heart to the GOOD.... and stepping away or turning to Higher Power .... you will know... by following the peace. thank you for the inspiration today!!!
I liked that a lot 2hp that's some good programme suggestions that I'm going to try hard to remember this xmas. Spirituality comes from knowing oneself and looking at ourselves and our thoughts and reactions. It's not an easy task to look honestly but it's essential if we want change.
(((Joker))) - sending hugs, positive thoughts and prayers your way - you got this!!! Love that you make mention of acceptance and choices - powerful tools that are so very helpful. My family drinks quite a bit and when it begins to get a little sloppy, I just depart. I can leave with grace and have noticed I am not alone in departing. When I was a part of 'them', I thought everyone drank this way, and everyone stayed until the end. My perceptions were not remotely close to reality.
Being sober, and needing Al-Anon but not yet 'here', I always thought I had to 'do' what was expected. What I've come to love is the only expectations I need to align with are my HP(s). Letting go of my Normal Rockwell portrait and staying present truly helped me to keep the focus on me and just enjoy...I learned in recovery that it's truly about family and relationships, not booze, gifts, best dressed, etc. I've come to know some I didn't know very well and I've come to pray for many others...
Have a lovely trip and a great visit. Great Plan B and glad you have a safe place to stay/retreat to. (((Hugs)))
PS - for me as an alcoholic, I never left until the booze ran out. That's just the way it went and we guzzled to be sure we got enough! It's a holiday after all and the stores are all closed...not sane thinking but real thinking from personal experience.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
