The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Friday night, I really wanted a drink of wine, just 2 glasses. I told the alcoholic to get me a bottle of wine. He did, along with his vodka and beer, which he gladly drank all night. I went to bed after my wine and he stayed up himself, talking to himself and watching TV. I was grateful he did not keep me awake all night! I set boundaries with him and he knows I will leave the house if he bothers me, progress...finally. The next morning he was grouchy and had to have a beer. I did not say anything. I just let him be..and he got more grouchier and tired to fight with me. I did not take the bate. He started to get more mad and that is when I lost it myself and said to him, you do not stop the anger toward me, I am leaving and went for my jacket to leave, suddenly, he had a change of attitude and says he does not know what got into him. I know what got into you-Alcohol and it started to make you nuts for no reason. I cooked breakfast not for him but for me, as I was hungry, and he ate and went to bed...I had a great quite afternoon and evening. I see that I have been making progress, and I am proud of myself. I am not tolerating BS from him and he is noticing. Even his drinking, I noticed is much better overall. Instead of drinking for days on end non stop, he drinks only one night and a bit in the morning and stops. Now that is progress. I believe it could be because I am setting boundaries with him. He is sober this morning and we are going to church, what a change, drunk to church today. I just need to keep the focus on me, and me only...he is going to do what he is going to do..but I can and will walk away from his BS. I am getting stronger. I am grateful! Just wanted to share my growth.
I know it was wrong for me to ask him to go to the liquor store for me and I knew he would get his own drinks but I had errands to run and had no time to get my wine. He says he had no intention to drink and it was me that got him going. He is going to drink with or without me, might as well, get it out of the system is my thinking. I wanted a drink of wine-why should I tip toe around him. He is either going to drink or not. I can not stop him. I am grateful, it was a quite evening and no insane things happened. Had it happened I would have gotten out of bed and left! He is learning my limits!
I'm so glad you are sharing your progress and how you appreciate the good that is happening. In my opinion, you are doing great. I love the way you handled each situation in the moment and then analyzed what happened and your part ... which to me is a fantastic use of Al Anon tools. Progress, not perfection! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Asking an active alcoholic to buy you some alcohol... and later knowing you knew it was wrong... Your post is very much like a step five and I hope you share it with your sponsor to get the full benefit. Honesty is progress. And today is a new day.
Your post reminds me of the last years of my marriage, he was growing tired of my fears over his drinking, and I was growing tired of my fears over his drinking and our relationship was not happy. So I literally made the decision, "can't beat em, JOIN em." Drinking with him would keep him home with me me me. I remember him saying this was the happiest time of our entire marriage. Looking back, I just wanted to quiet the fears and numb out the pain.
I began slipping deeper and deeper into depression (anger turned inward) becoming sicker and sicker. Found a doctor who put me on a cleanse diet where I cut out alcohol completely. Physically, I became stronger again...
When I found Al-anon, I was invited to look at ME.... pick up the mirror and take a good look. When he does (this) I do (that).... when he looks like this, I look like that... When I stood back as an observer... as a silent witness... to see MYSELF instead of him, I began to feel some compassion for ME. I was not the person I wanted to be. I needed my own love and attention. I had been affected by alcoholism and so angry at myself for neglecting my own needs.
A year after our divorce, I made amends to him. Sincerely, I could say that I was sorry for blaming him for all my unhappiness and depression during our marriage. He sobbed. perhaps relieved of such a heavy burden.
I just want to applaud your HONESTY and encourage you to keep HOPE and FAITH in yourself because if I can do it, you can (((hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 18th of December 2016 04:21:26 PM
(((Joker))) - great progress - keep working it....it looks good on you! Enjoy this day - it's all that matters!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
