The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am excited that my parents arrive today for just shy of 2 weeks! They are coming from AZ to KS and they are coming with a bunch of extreme cold temperatures + deadly ice/snow. Please send prayers for a safe and uneventful travel day for them.
I will be around less while they are here. As they are 82, each year they come I ponder if this will be their last Christmas. It's such a strange feeling but what it helps me do is be of service, practice patience and enjoy - just enjoy.
Both of my parents are ACoA - untreated. It's very interesting to see how the disease affected them. I am so grateful they did the best they could to be great parents. They made mistakes, we made mistakes but deep down, I do believe all their actions had the best of intentions. It's been a blessing in recovery to deep-dive into my person, understand more about me and FOO and accept, forgive and move forward.
My oldest son is having issues in his relationship and was sharing some things that as a mother I really did not want to hear (sex life stuff....) I used our program to be quiet and listen in spite of my discomfort. He asked if I was uncomfortable, and I said a little. He said that he was sorry - he didn't have anyone else to talk with. After the call during my evening review, I found a great deal of gratitude and peace that while I could not protect my son(s) from the disease, I had changed up the FOO communication cycle and he could talk to me about deep stuff that I would NEVER speak to my parents about.
It is such a blessing and a gift to see how our recovery changes our thinking. I still get sad that this disease is active in our family, but I can also see how recovery interrupts some of the cycles. Neither of my boys stayed sober in recovery, but the seeds are planted. They know what to do and where to go should they decide to treat their disease and I'm grateful that I've been able to give them that. I'm grateful they've never seen me altered in any way or under the influence and I'm grateful they can see me as a caring advocate instead of a screaming control freak who reacted without thought.
I wish each of you the happiest of holiday seasons. My prayer for all is that when you start to feel uncomfortable or tense, you are able to just PAUSE long enough to know that you are not alone - your HP is right there with you leading you and guiding you towards the next step. This has been a lovely tool for me and I guarantee it will be front and center in my mind!!
We have extreme ice today all over the roads and snow coming shortly. It's about 20 degrees going down to below zero by tonight. Needless to say, I'm not going to my meeting today so MIP will have to do! Thanks to all for being here - please be safe if you too have yuck for weather!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Prayers for safe travels and a peaceful visit with your parents. I only have my mother left, and since she lives in the same town, I get her in small doses, thank goodness.
My daughter shares intimate details of her marriage with me, and I feel honored that she trusts me to do so. I also feel uncomfortable-- but proud and consider it a sign of her regard for our relationship, which is so different from the one I had/have with my mother. I didn't beat and shame my daughter, and I never made her regret being honest with me. She is the best thing in my life, and I am so grateful that she feels she can bring even those things to me. I imagine it's a credit to you, IAH, that your son does the same. Something to celebrate.
Thanks all - I find it quite funny that even though I am in my 50s and they're in their 80s, I still seek approval at times! My house is cleaner than it's been all year - that's refreshing and I love, love, love a clean home!
Happiest of holidays to each of you - we all deserve our own peace on this Earth!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
