The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about Step 3 - it seems so difficult to get our minds around turning our will and life over to the care of a Higher Power. We try to do so, think we have done so and next you know - we've taken it back. It feels so scary to think we are not in control. It's hard to trust that a Higher Power would be there for me if I let go completely. The concept of surrender was foreign and how do we know when we are truly there?
The reading talks about a speaker at a meeting. The speaker explained that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If we both try to lead, there is confusion and little forward movement. But when the partner who is following can relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the floor.
Today's reminder -- If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step. Then I can ask the God of my understanding to help me be a more willing partner.
Today's quote from ...In All Our Affairs -- "There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we would like, but the program has shown me God's will is the only way; it is up to me to work with Him and turn my life and will over to His care and guidance."
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I struggled a bit with Step 3 for a couple reasons. In my distorted thinking, God had let me down and had led me to the mess that was my life. He had not answered my prayers in the past and left me lonely, fearful, and hopeless. I had to practice over and over again letting go and trusting some power, any power great than me would lead me. I love the reminder and it aligns with what I was taught early on - listening to my inner gut/self and realizing that what's going on outside of me is affecting the inside of me.
Surrendering in my program actually gave me the power to fully understand what power I had. While the concept of powerless felt fearful, it opened the door for me to see that all I believed I could change, control or influence was not within my scope. My scope was just me, my needs, my joy, my peace...
Many of my prayers that I felt were not answered were not realistic. As the fog cleared in my brain, I realized I was praying for my way, my will and that's just not how my HP works. When I started praying for God's will and his way, I felt much more peace and connection.
Love the analogy of the dancing with a partner. Today, I am willing to be led by my HP to what awaits me next. I am grateful all of you are here and for Al-Anon! Make it a great day....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great honest share IAH. Like you Step 3 was difficult for me as well , I too prayed for my will and then became enraged with HP when my prayers were not answered.
I am glad that recovery is a process so that by learning to trust a Power greater than myself ,and letting go of my expectation,I could finally accept life on life's terms with the courage, serenity and wisdom of the program.
I must admit that my life did not turn out as I would have expected or wanted and had I not developed new tools to live by, I would have been destroyed by the outcome. Today, I trust HP , turn my will over each morning and know deep within that I have the courage, serenity and wisdom to handle life.
In my face-to-face step meeting we are working on step 3. This prompted me to make that decision to turn my life and will over, and my intention to do so is genuine.
But it would be a lot easier if my higher power could provide me with an explanation of HP's will along with detailed instructions for dealing with all the events and decisions of the day. I'd be happy to carry out all of it! But unfortunately no instructions magically appear waiting for me in the morning, so I have to try to figure it out. Kind of kidding about this, but kind of not.
Like Iamhere I have struggled with feeling that God let me down. When I was 5 years old I prayed fervently every night that my parents would not divorce as well as for world peace. In my 5 year old mind I thought I had it in the bag, that would pretty much take care of things for both me and the human race. When God did not come through with those things it actually came as a big shock. I was 5 so....
Now I do not have an idea that my higher power is going to give me whatever I ask for. And the higher power of my understanding is more impersonal than for some people. But I am trying to learn how to do this dance. Letting go and surrendering sounds like it should be easy, yet is so hard to do. But I feel the slightest glimmer of understanding thanks to the shares of my alanon friends. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. At this time in my life it means everything to me.
Neroli - I was praying like you well beyond the age of 5 (have to admit, I must have missed many lessons about prayer in my early years). Just keep leaning into the program and towards those who 'got it' and you will be amazed.
bunny - I had a good day - there is all kinds of 'stuff' going on in my family well beyond the holiday season so I am using all my tools to do the next right thing. Keep coming back!
Betty - I love your last paragraph and that so resonates with my life/story. Many things went and still go way different than desired, yet I am able to get through each day - because of the leadership of my HP!
So grateful for all of you in this program! (((hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
