The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello! So I know the holidays are rough on most people so I wanted to say Happy Holidays from me. :)
Anyway, so I'm rather new here. Long story short someone close in my family (father) has been an alcoholic my whole life. I've never seen him sober even though I've lived with him for my whole life. Being in my 20s now he's suffering from cirrhosis of the liver and has had many complications. He is currently in a hospital now not knowing what will happen next. I'm trying to find my way of processing it and still haven't found how. So I'm writing to you all so you know a little tid bit about my current situation and being stuck. Being an only child it's rather difficult with support after he's pushed everyone away.
Hello, Worldofhope - I am so glad you came here and shared your story and your holiday greeting. I understand, as many here do, what it's like to go through the holidays when there is a very sick alcoholic in the family. It is very painful, but you are not alone. Especially at this time of year, if you can find an Alanon meeting and go there, it will lift your spirit.
Welcome World of Hope Love your log on name. I am glad that you reached out and are seeking help and support Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. i can identify with what you are experiencing and am pleased that dadis seeking medical help.
As freetime suggested, Alanon is a recovery program for family members who are coping with the insanity of the disease. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and I would like to suggest that you search them outn community and attend. Here you will break the isolation caused by living so close to the disease and develop new constructive tools to live by.
Hey World of Hope - great nickname AND happy holidays back @ ya. I am glad you joined us in this journey. I'm all about going to meetings and working Al-Anon - it's where I got my sanity back as well as found what truly matters to me and makes me tick. Let us know how your meeting goes and keep coming back here!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello World, so glad you reached out and found us! And a warm 'thank you' for the holiday wishes. I feel for you, you have a lot on your plate...
When I found AlAnon I was full of questions, unaddressed feelings, and a lot of uncertainty. As others have suggested, meetings were my introduction to a perspective that helped me immensely. I highly recommend attending a few to get a feel for the healthy perspective AlAnon offers.
I also benefitted greatly from reading (I'm a nerdy research type!), and AlAnon Family Groups publishes several that helped me understand some of the concepts. The books are no substitute for the meetings, but they are always available and have searchable indexes that are helpful when looking at a particular topic.
Glad you are here, look forward to hearing from you
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I know for me having a really abusive family the grief is about what I never had
I had this really romantic idea about what a good and loving family is.
If you look.around these rooms and you look outside this is a bit of a commercialised myth isn't it?
I worked retail at Christmas for five years.
People were so mean and nasty. They didn't seem to be too happy about spending all that money
A lot of my grief is and was about dispelling this myth about what love is and was. There is a tremendous amount of grit that comes from having survived your situation. There is also a tremendous amount of resilience.
Grieving for what you have never had is a very different proposition than grieving a relationship that wasn't so catastrophic.
I know for me personally I am still grieving it but the grief is not as acute. I also know really really sadly this whole romanticized notion I had about love set me up to be around alcoholics. It set me up to fall in love with alcoholics. It set me up to be incredibly attached to alcoholics
Maresie25
Aloha WorldofHope and welcome home. Yes Dad is sick for years of consuming a toxic poison..."alcohol" and it has affected you as much as it has him. ((((Hugs)))) Prayers for Dad and for Sister. Truly this is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions which is fatal and can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence. The family suffers in much the same way as the alcoholic though we do not have the chemical to block out reality; thus we go thru the illness wide awake.
That was just a bit of the information which was passed on to me when I first found Al-Anon and I was so very grateful because I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know how I was born and raised. I use to describe myself as being "dumb as a stick" back then and now I know so much more and can pass it on to others who don't understand.
The MIP family will pass on to you all we have so that you can also understand that your father is a good person with a fatal insane disease. Keep coming back often and share your growth with others as we share ours with you. You are family.
Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas) from Hawaii. (((((hugs)))))
