The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After getting a sponsor yesterday my husband came home and put a fentanyl patch in his mouth. No trigger, nothing. He just went downstairs to do laundry and never came up. Three year old was asleep so I couldn't go looking for him. Heard sirens and saw them stop outside our building. Finally a neighbor came to sit in apartment. Ran down to see my husband unconscious on the floor trying to be revived by paramedics. I had no idea he had taken the fentanyl. I actually just found it yesterday morning and he made a big show of flushing it earlier in the day before seeking out this guy and asking him to sponsor him. Nothing makes sense. I got two hours of sleep last night. I can't get the image of him lying on the floor out of my head. I had no idea it was this severe. I feel stupid and helpless. I need to find a meeting but have no one to watch my toddler.
There are meetings here everyday and you can go to the chat room. Why not try that
That is very scary. I hope your husband went to the emergency room
I have certainly been there around an alcoholic/addict who keeps on using no matter what. It is extremely difficult to deal with
There are ways to meet some of your need. I know the chat room here saved me when I was really despairing. The rooms and meetings here helped me too.
I have a lot of trouble in my life saying no. No feels very foreign to me. It is impossible for you to follow this man around wherever he is
Furthermore this incident may affect your lease. You cannot have him overdosing on the property regularly.
Personally I have had to learn to love alcoholics from afar. None of them come to my apartment. They are not invited. I cannot trust them to behave.
There are certain bottom line survival things we have to have. A place to live, an income. When an alcoholic is threatening your survival different boundaries come into play
Maresie25
So sorry to hear about what is happening for you Prissykitty! It sounds like your husband is really at some kind of crisis point in his life, taking those two very big and different moves in one day. You don't seem stupid or helpless to me, just someone who is strong but in a very tough situation.
It helped me in my own problems to read many of the discussions on this board. Until you can get to a meeting you can read and share here. I just tried the online meetings here today and yesterday, but almost no people were there. I can try again. But I'm finding the message board good to read. (I'm new here.) I hope your toddler lets you read, and get sleep too.
I.agree when I.first got here and was really desperate I read the treads. If you follow a way back you can see and feel people recover. It's important to have hope in your life. This place is all about hope
Maresie25
Prissykitty - some meetings do have day care - just FYI as you work to find one. You've had a heckova night - perhaps just a nice warm bath and some sleep will be so very helpful. When we talk about self-care in recovery, it includes simple things too - food, sleep, etc. I've been in situations similar to what you are going through and when I talked with trusted program friends and/or my sponsor, I was always reminded to focus on the present and what's good. The reality is you are right - he could have died but he did not.
It's so very difficult to watch one we love self-destruct. It is maddening to try and figure out what they are/were thinking, and certainly not a good use of our time or our energy. It did not help our situation either for me to ask that question, which I did often, perhaps too often before I found recovery. When we talk about how cunning and powerful this disease is, this points to that exact point.
I'm sending you and your hubbie tons of prayers and positive energy.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you everyone. It's been a horrific 24 hours. I think I slept two hours last night. 3 year old is tucked in and hubby left with his sponsor to go to a meeting. I'm putting everything in gods hands. Hoping to find a meeting nearby soon. Or at least see my therapist. Praying for sleep tonight. I keep seeing his body on the ground every time I close my eyes. It made me realize how much I love him and I'm now even more terrified of losing him. Hugs everyone.
Where there is life there is hope. I clung to that statement during the worst of times with my AD. Looking back and going over and over again in my mind only served to create some tortuous thoughts of "what if" ?My mind would really get carried away with potential bad outcomes. Focusing on the present is helpful to me. Eating, sleeping, going outside for fresh air for short periods was all that I could manage a lot of days but it did help. I am sending prayers to your family tonight.
Prayers continue this morning for all of you! (((Hugs))) also!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I feel your pain and I'm praying for you. I also have young children at home and it makes it impossible to get to the face to face meetings. When I feel I'm loosing myself I come here and receive wonderful support. I read my literature focusing all my attention on the slogans and steps. I put all my trust in my HP to get me through. Most important I take care of myself and enjoy the smiles and laughter of my little ones, realizing I have so much to be thankful for.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
So very sorry to hear this. Hope you can find the time to get to a meeting. There are meetings that supply child care but not sure how frequent they are and if they are in your area. Sending you and your family prayers.
