The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this. My husband is an alcoholic. He is crazy when he drinks. He drives drunk. I want to leave but I can't financially. How on earth do I learn to just stop caring and allow him to hit rock bottom and stay sane.
Julie when we learn in recovery that we are powerless over alcohol (ic) (ism) (etc) we learn how to love in a different way which includes tough love. Tough love for me was very tough on both I and my alcoholic/addict wife. We entered a toxic dance of catch and let go over and over until I got it and took as many lessons on the subject of letting go finally. When I got out of the way our Higher Power could intervene and she did finally get clean and sober. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. ((((Hugs))))
Hi I agree with Jerry . I have been where you are, and I found alanon face to face meetings helped me to stay sane as I developed new tools to live by, Please keep coming back There is hope
I have thought about meetings. I just deal with this in private but I am at a place I want to die. It's not fair for me to hate life because of him. I still have faith god will come through for me one way or another and show me what to do.
Living with an alcoholic is to much for most of us and the active drinking brought out bad behavior in my XAH and also in me. It was very difficult to get out of that pain and see that there was more to life than just what was or wasn't going on with the alcoholic.
It requires action, .. kind of like that whole love is a verb statement. Recovering from the affects of someone else's addiction requires me to take action that means attending meetings, taking an active participation in life, and remembering who I was before I became consumed and obsessed with the alcoholic.
My story with my XAH ended in divorce and for me that was the right answer. I did not come to that decision lightly and in some ways it was my higher power that just said ok .. this isn't working let's help you out the door. I had 2 minor children at the time and I wasn't working .. it has been a very difficult road at times however well worth it.
I really encourage you to take some time explore Alanon from a safe place which is coming to online meetings and so on .. if you are able I really encourage you to GO to a meeting if you call the Alanon hotline in your area someone will assist you with finding a meeting and talk to you about what to expect at a meeting.
Stick around and educate yourself about addiction as well as alanon. Keep coming back.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Perhaps you have heard the story about the man in his house in a torrential rainstorm. The water started coming up, and someone drove thorough the water up his driveway and knocked on his door and offered to take him to shelter. The man thanked him and then said "it's OK, God will provide!".
The water got up to his windows. A boat came by and offered to take him. The man thanked him, and said "God will provide!"
The water got up to his roof. a helicopter flew near, saw him, and the bullhorn came out and offered to take the man away. The man yelled up "It's OK, God will provide!"
The man drown an hour later.
The man got to heaven, and was furious. He wanted to see God, so God had a meeting with him. The man demanded "I had great faith in you! I knew you would provide for me, but here I am, dead!"
Then God said "I don't know what you are complaining about! I sent a person with a car, I sent a person with a boat, I sent a person with a helicopter! And still you wouldn't take what I provided!"
Perhaps being here and learning about Al Anon is your Higher Power's way of giving you an escape. it certainly was for me. Alcoholism was tearing my family's life apart, costing huge amounts of money, jobs and causing anger and resentment. The only way I got rid of the anger and was able to move on with life was through going to Al Anon meetings, learning about alcoholism, and learning who owned what in the dysfunctional relationship that I had developed with my wife, both pre- and post-alcohol.
I hope you can find a meeting near you soon, and in the meantime, keep coming back here!
