The material presented
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level.
I need some advice. My single adult daughter recently told me she has returned to her old habits of drinking and smoking weed. She has gone to rehab 4 times For alcoholism and drug abuse. She said the sober life wasn't her thing. She had been doing really well for the past 2 years. She was gointg to AA but lately stopped going to meetings and stopped talking to her sponsor. She is starting to hang out with the same people who enabled her before and took advantage of her. I was going to Al-Anon for about 6 months, but quit when it seemed like she was on a good path. I'm embarrassed to go back. I'm devasted. I'm thinking about cutting her out of my life. I just can't do this anymore. After 15 years of bailing her out of ridiculous situations, paying her bills, and lying for her I'm totally worn down. Please advise if any of you have been in a situation like this where your child has relapsed after years Of being sober.
-- Edited by Buckeye Girl on Monday 5th of December 2016 02:30:19 PM
Welcome Buckeye Girls I have experienced a similar situation and returned immediately to alanon. I knew that no one took attendance and that my not attending was a reflection on my recovery. and felt that since Alanon is a fellosship of equals no one would judge my decision. I was right !! I was welcomed home and the support and tools helped me to stay sane.
Glad you found us so please do keep coming back you are not alone.
Welcome Buckeye Girls - I too have a son who stayed sober in the program for 5 years. He then relapsed and walked from the program. I had also taken a break from recovery, not so much as I thought he/I were healed - I put other things as a priority when I thought we were all in a 'maintenance mode'....
As it is now, hind-sight is 20/20. I returned as fast as I could. The best I can share is nobody asked where I'd been or why I had not been there - instead, they welcomed me back with open arms and told me they missed me. Al-Anon is typically a judgment free zone. I am grateful the porch light is always on in both programs and the door swings both ways.
There is no shame in taking a break, returning, going to a different group - at all! I am grateful that I returned and found others willing to offer ESH with me so I could get back on track.
Glad you found us and glad that you joined right in. Please keep coming back here too - I fully understand where you are at with it all - and it was in the program that I was able to establish healthy boundaries which allowed me to recover in spite of what he was/was not doing.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I was actually at a meeting recently where we discussed that Al Anon is great in that if you leave for years, and feel the need to come back, there won't be any judgment. I feel that, even though it isn't explicitly stated, Al Anon believes that we all have our own paths to traverse, and that may mean not being there for years. Sometimes it means being there every day.
Feel free to go back, we don't say keep coming back for nothing!
Hi, I can relate to what your going through. Ive been the enabler the fixer just like you. Ive been attending alanon for about 4 and a half years and everything has improved. I try really hard to let the consequences fall on the right person now. I try not to interfere anymore. I suggest going and getting the support you need from the people who really know what this is like and who really know how to change it.
We are a family group and truly as a family it has been my experience over the last 37 years that we see family members stay long term and others come and go and then continue to grow. This morning we had a member who left for 3+ years return. A couple of weeks ago a member who had been gone for 20 years returned; she was over joyed to be back. Our program is world wide and I've committed to attending for life. It did give me my life back. I stay for myself and the new comers. Re-read the 12th step. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
