Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Lou Lou · Newbie

So many questions. Newbie

sarahGee · Senior Member

Hi Lou Lou, glad you've found the board. Welcome!
I am new as well. About 2 months for me.
Local meetings in your area are the best place to start. There you will find a group of people who understand exactly where you are in life and what you have faced. I was directed towards some reading material (referred to as CAL, conference approved literature) and some awesome local resources.
Some long time members will have more info for you, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that you're not alone!

Lou Lou · Newbie

Is this the place for me if I'm not the addict but a family member is?

sarahGee · Senior Member

Yes. Al Anon is for those of us who have been affected by the disease of alcoholism in our lives. In my meeting, they say it can be a friend, a family member, co worker, neighbor etc. If your life is being affected, you are in the right place.
It is a program that helps US find peace in the storm.

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome LL! I felt broken by my A and didn't recognize how sick I had become. I have 3 1/2 years in Alanon and I am making great progress. Take in as much Alanon as you can I.e. Face to face meetings, a sponsor, the board, readings, etc. The more you give yourself, the better you will feel. It took me awhile to get comfortable in my F2F and understand the format of the meetings, but now I love my meeting and the people in it. The board offers wonderful support as well and if you combine it with the other parts of Alanon you can heal. I think I am the happiest I've been in my entire life, and I am 65. It's a shame it took me this long but better late than never. If I can be at peace most of the time, and still am married to my A, I will appreciate this last segment of my life. I already do. I have mostly gotten rid of the codependency on my A, and I will continue to attend Alanon. Give it a try, Lyne

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi LouLou and welcome! This forum is a great resource for family members. Here is a link that gives information about what to expect at Al-Anon face-to-face (F2F) meetings.

www.al-anon.alateen.org/what-can-i-expect

At the beginning, I was greatly helped by the free pamphlets available at meetings. Usually they have the pamphlets displayed in the meeting room and you can just browse and take what you need. There are also books you can buy there or online. The first book I'd recommend is "How Alanon Works," which is great and inexpensive.

As has been said, you are in the right place. Keep coming back.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Lou Lou - I too send warm welcomes to you and am glad you found us and jumped right in. As you already know, alcoholism is a progressive disease and is also considered a family disease. It reaches well beyond the drinker and affects many of those who love or live with them too. As the disease progresses, we often find our thinking becomes distorted and our reactions a bit of a stretch.

Al-Anon is for any family member of friend affected by the drinking of another. You are welcome whether they are or are not in any type of recovery. As mentioned above, we come together and share our ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) to help each other heal/deal with the affects of the disease. We do not offer advice and we keep an open mind. I love that I can share freely - good and bad - and never feel judged on concerned about my share going beyond the safeness of the recovery room.

We learn to keep the focus on us, and not them. We learn to seek our own peace/joy no matter what they are/are not doing. We learn that we are loved and loving and recovery sets us free from going down with them or being stuck in a negative way of thinking / doing. We find that changed attitudes aid recovery.

I hope you can find local meetings and attend. Keep coming back here too - you are not alone. There is hope and help in recovery.

(((Hugs)))

Lou Lou · Newbie

Thank you all for the warm welcome. My father is addicted to drugs but has had an addiction to everything at one point or another.

Rinn · Senior Member

lou lou this is also a great place if your loved one has drug addiction issues. My life was affected by an addict and I found so much great information from alanon. A great way to start is reaching out here, and trying to find some face to face meetings in your area. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/find-a-meeting

if you are having a hard time finding meetings in your area, many pamphlets can be found at local hospitals, and drug treatment centers. but the above website has good resources. There are online meetings connected to this site as well.

I have a 12 step and 12 traditions book that helps you understand a lot of the basic principles. I also love my courage to change daily reader I bought a few years ago. it just gives me food for thought.

I am glad you took the step to look up alanon and try to make some positive changes for YOU. Alanon is about helping YOU and your health. It doesn't teach you how to make your addict quit, or a special thing to say to make them stop. I only say that because when I first went to Alanon I was disappointed because they didn't tell me how to change him. It was about me. I kept thinking...but I am not the one with a problem. Why do I need to change. It took a while before I realized the addiction made me sick also and my life was unmanageable.

-Rinn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene