The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to say hi to everybody having just joined. I am a member with Al Anon and am so grateful for support I get in meetings but I don't seem to learn. I still find myself in knots, feeling sick with anxiety over someone elses actions.
i want to get rid of my anger, my loneliness, my shame on his behalf, of the anxiety when I know he is drinking and driving and the list goes on.
Keep coming to meetings everyone says - I guess that's all I can do, but how do I keep sane, keep going to work and keep from becoming depressed myself.
As you can sense, I do feel quite lost today. I don't think I am "detaching with love" well today
Hello Millydilly, Welcome i am pleased that you reached out and shared your concerns .That you have found alanon meetings and are attending is a huge step forward. . Recovery takes time and I so understand the pain and anxiety of which you speak. I found that the more I picked up the tools I gradually began to feel better .
These are the tools I use daily :Living one day at a time , not projecting to the future or regretting the past, sharing here, meetings and calling alanon members,reading the daily readers , reminding myself that i am powerless over people, places and things, that there is a Higher Power and that when I am confused or frightened I can pray for courage and wisdom.
I see send warm welcomes to you Millydilly - great nickname! So glad that you found us and glad that you shared. Love that you are going to meetings and have also reached out here too. I'm with Betty - staying present in the moment and living one day at a time are such helpful tools for me. When I find my mind/thoughts wondering to what is wrong in front of me, I try to flip it and instead focus on what is right in front of me. Gratitude lists certainly help me shift the thinking....and in the beginning, it was slow going for a while.
Working the steps and focusing on the literature also helped me remember that I am powerless over others, and can truly only work on me. I also was told in the beginning that if I struggled to detach with love, it was OK to detach with indifference. That helped me realize that any effort I put into focusing on me and my needs was a step in the right direction.
Keep doing what you are doing and lean into all that you hear in the program. There is hope and help in recovery - please keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It's a one day at a time process. If you blew it..don't give up....reflect on why it happened and what you can do next time to make it a little better for yourself.
I learned over time that what I was doing was not helping my son one bit. He didn't know or care what I was going though so to continue with this pattern was only hurting me. My pain was overwhelming at times and I thought I was going to go down with the ship....his ship.....but I didn't and now I can step back and pray for his safety but also let him take responsibility for his own actions without it effecting me.
Look.....no matter how hard I tried to keep him safe and take on the burden of his actions and more upset and worried and fearful I got. My son was fine in his eyes.....
So he is going to drink or he's not.....what are you going to do?
(( hugs ))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hi Millydilly -- if you can get to face to face meetings, they are such a great way to gain serenity and recovery. I am really fortunate in the area I live I could probably go to three a day (if I didn't have to work and could make it!). When I first found al-anon I went at least once a day for several weeks and immersed myself in the tools of the program. I bought ALL the books (no half-measures here), and I didn't find a sponsor, but I worked the steps on my own using Blueprint for Progress and Paths to Recovery. I recently discovered podcasts of speakers (on Youtube and other places) and find those are really powerful tools. I've heard people have great experiences with sponsors and hope that might be in my future, but I haven't found it yet -- if you can find a sponsor, that can be really helpful, as well as speaking directly to people in meetings who seem to have it somewhat together. Good luck! The tools of the program are incredibly powerful for me; but sometimes I put them down and wind up having a bad day, year, stretch -- when I come back to the program, work the steps and try to turn my life over to my HP, I get much more peace and sanity.
