The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh the blame game? Justification to drink...... Mine used to say "You are the reason I drink" after an argument. I would reply "You drink because you are an alcoholic, you find a reason to drink because I no longer support your drinking" and walk away.
(((madowl))) - I've been on the receiving end of threats to drink/use.....it's not always been limited to when I say something they don't like. This has happened for a variety of situations and reasons. I tend to just stay quiet as anything I say at this point would most likely cause more drama/chaos.
Al-Anon taught me that I'm not responsible for their actions/words/emotions. I'm only responsible for my own and even if baited, I can choose no response as an option. The program and a sponsor has helped me establish good boundaries and detach from the disease. Keep coming back - I do relate!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Omg do not buy into that crap..no my abf has never out and out blamed me for his drinking, but he has somewhat blamed me for not going to his meetings, his IOP etc..which is a freaking joke..I don't even respond..neither should u
Thank you. The hard part is I'm not even baiting him. He's always being loud to purposely bother my cat and dogs or makes my beagle bark at him or jokingly act like he's going to smack her. She's been abused so I have repeatedly asked him not to do that but he always says "am I hurting her? No." So last night I was like "look, I'm tired of you torturing my animals" to which he replied that I really need to watch how I word things because it's not torture. "If you want I can go get a 12 pack and things can really pop off."
I can't even have a serious, calm tone in my voice or he thinks I'm attacking him.
Mine plays a variation of the same game. He says if I don't shape up he will move out or drink. He says he will never take a drink, therefore he will be forced out by my inadequacIRS. He's been sober two years, threatened this for the past 18 months. He's still here.
The whole thing is my fault. I am incredibly self-centered and selfish, and I haven't gotten the program as he expects me to and I'm dragging him down.
Now considering options.
-- Edited by Suburban Denizen on Tuesday 22nd of November 2016 09:33:40 AM
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"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
