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Went to my new psychologist yesterday. I like her. She's not cheap but she seems to actually be on board "with" me which is, I assume, the general idea. I haven't experienced that before. She feels that from what I describe, maybe I've been stuck in a very entrenched lifelong pattern of accepting abuse and 'laughing it off" and perhaps the same pattern is playing out in my relationship with my dear child, whom I love dearly but feel kind of suffocated by lately. This all makes good sense. That daughter has observed ways to manipulate me and learned from them and now she is fine-tuning them and i am reacting, reacting, reacting. Seems logical and workable, no?
After my appointment I met Her Satanic Majesty in town after school and ended up, as usual, buying her stuff. Including hair colour; she's obsessed with her hair and her total dissatisfaction with it's colour and I put my very best mind to choosing the best colour product that would do the job and not ruin her long hair. She rejected it and chose another colour. OK, it will wash out eventually so, whatever, right? Trial and error? It's fun? I think? I sure wasn't allowed to colour my hair when I was her age so I don't really know. But I'm reasonably skilled at colour so, why not help her and have some fun with it?
Anyway I told her, if you want it done tonight, you'll have to do it because i don't have the energy but if you wait until tomorrow I will do it. So she did it last night anyway and of course i ended up helping...excessively. And contrary to my instructions there is red dye on my bed, my favourite table-cloth, the walls, etc. Oh well.
So this morning i wake up to a text message..."My hair is brown and purple and I hate it". (It really isn't).
I go in to see her and she screams at me and as I leave the room she throws something at the door. Hard. Wtf? I feel a bit pannicky. But, you know, ???
Then more text messages. "If you had actually helped me, maybe it wouldn't look so shit"
and then
"Maybe if you were good at F^%&ing ANYTHING it would have turned out OK".
What the absolute crap. That's over the line and makes me feel a bit sick.
I'm sitting here, reeling and thinking, this is pretty abusive behaviour and she's crying and crying and I'm thinking, do i go and comfort her because i know what its like to be 13 and hate your hair or do i respond to the fact that this kind of abuse is utterly unacceptable and I should not under any circumstances tolerate it?
And the i get a series of 'I'm sorry I over-reacted" messages and then she brings out a sketch she drew of "me" at some stage (its not very flattering) (I'm not even sure it's me but it has sunken eyes and it looks pretty decrepit plus it has very short hair? I think it's possibly Carol from the walking dead) (seriously) (I actually think it is a picture of Carol-From-The-Walking-Dead and she's decided to try to pass it off as a pic of me) and leaves it next to me.
Now she's crying and messaging me repeatedly and I just feel depleted and angry and what am I supposed to do with this?
I don't want to comfort her when she's just been so damn nasty. Geeze, my mother never helped me colour my hair and I used to dye hers all the time....I was an expert at dying middle-aged lady roots. My kid has never, ever once helped me with my hair although I've asked. She just doesn't want to, bless her little cotton hoof-covers.
I feel abused and manipulated and tired and just, basically, wtf.
Is this level of abuse normal?
Oh wait, I forgot the best part. Every year, I agree to her going to her fathers on Christmas eve and spending Christmas morning with his family because they have small children and its more fun for her, I figure. I get up alone and travel for 4 hours solo every Christmas day to meet her for lunch at my grandmothers and bring her home so we can watch the Doctor Who christmas special and see a movie on boxing day (ie star wars) and get pizza etc; those are our beautiful nerdy Christmas traditions. I kind of thought they were sacred.
A few days ago she begged me to take her to this 4 hour Doctor Who special at the cinema and as it started she announced that this year she doesn't want to come and meet me at lunch time on Christmas Day, she wants to stay at her dads for the whole Christmas because they 'might buy her something at the boxing day sales". So I got to think about that for 4 hours of animated 1960's slow-bus-moving cinema. Then afterwards she got angry because the shops were shut and she wanted hair dye. Sigh. What?
Never mind that my grandmother and my mother are the people who pay for all of the things that I cant afford for her while her father pays for nothing and they wil throw a wobbly about it (at me) and never mind that I will be, now, alone all day on christmas. I mention these things to her and she swears at me and says "it's my decision, why should I have to worry about your issues?"
I don't know who this kid is. I don't want or intend to take this kind of abusive crap but it's hard to hear her cry and she seems pretty hysterical. (My hair is horrible, my face is horrible etc). I feel compassion and white hot rage all at once. It's very familiar, i guess.
I was never this level of monstrous because i didn't have a parent who gave a crap. Is it normal? Or, at least, is it something that happens to other people? Because to me it's just disgusting and I ust want to be away from it.
And not withstanding i asked her yesterday if she could allow me some space to get some work done today and as usual she's responded with a total shit show.
I just...I have no words.
-- Edited by MissM on Wednesday 16th of November 2016 08:28:46 PM
(((MS.M. ))I am so sorry that you are experiencing this terrible teen behavior and am so happy that you have connected with a therapist who appreciates you. Please list your assets when these tirades begin and validate the truth that You are indeed an intelligent, compassionate, talented woman and a loving, understanding mom who will not be spoken to this way. I know we have talked about alateen in the past== What do you think is it available and would it help? Positive thoughts and prayers on the way. PS You did make me smile, as usual, with the comment about the drawing representing a character from the Walking Dead". Your humor is so refreshing and you are great at that. :)
Oh boy can relate to this! My daughter is 17 and has been acting the same the way since about 12. Initially when her father and I divorced when she was 9 I overindulged her because for years she related the day her father and I split as the worst day in her life. She learned how to manipulate me and turn on the waterworks when it suited her. It was abusive at times. Now at 17, she drives, she "forgets" to tell me where she is going, at 16 she snuck out one night and went to a party and came home drunk, I have been shown snap chats where she is smoking pot in my back yard, she blatantly has disrespected me and my home and had sex in my home. Lately she has a very entitled attitude and was upset that I had to "borrow" the car I bought her. She is nasty and foul mouthed and I finally had enough. My cajoling her and understanding her was getting me no where. So I pulled out the big guns, and started being blunt. Then it was I was putting her down. The tears, the hysteria, the yelling, was worse than living with my Ex A. She used to enjoy going to her fathers too. Hoping she would get something tangible out of the visit, a trip to the mall, nails, etc. Until he married his third wife and that b.... made no bones about it that she didn't like my daughter she wasn't buying her anything. My daughter soon learned that her father and his wife had the money to buy drugs but not pay child support or anything else. She stopped going when she realized that she wasn't going to get anything out of it. At this time, as she is 17 its kind of you get what give relationship. If she cries, screams, yells I walk away. If she starts texting me, I turn my phone off. If she tests dirty her car is gone. If she doesn't tell me where she is at or where she is going, she doesn't get to go anywhere the next day. I put her on birth control and told her to take care of her vagina. If she gets an STD that's on her. Some of them you carry for life. I wish I could tell you it was working .....
My mother was many things but i knew better than to be a complete monster to her. The times that i was i never felt good about,i don't believe anyone does. Does she explicitly know what shes doing is morally repugnant? Has she any idea of how much you do for her and why and how you grew up? My mum and i dont talk now and we had a colourful lifetime but I'll give her full credit for giving me all the information of where she came from and how and why with never a touch of bitterness. So when i pull princess shithead routine its in full knowledge of my place in it. Your girl is smart. I wouldn't be buying her anything and id tell her why too. Maybe go feed the homeless too give her perspective on life. Princess Diana did that remember? So do my neighbours with all 6 of their brood. Always in support, good about the psychologist!
Thanks ladies. Betty, al-ateen is an option i should probably give some credence too, and stop putting into the "maybe one day" basket. After all, there is an al-anon meeting that takes place next door to an al-ateen meeting in my area every week and it really wouldn't be hard to go and check them out together. As in, actually DO it. I'm trying not to put too much credence in "what will be". She was my sweet, agreeable buddy for 12 years and lately she is a 50/50 mix of sweet renegade angel and "So, Your Child is A Sith Lord. What Now?"
She's very apologetic now and wants me to know that she doesn't know why she was so angry and mean when she woke up and she knows her comments were really wrong and she 'doesn't know what to do to fix it". I've told her that I love her however she really crossed the line and I require the space I initially asked for today and will talk about it with her another time. She's also very happy with her hair now and doesn't want me to strip the color out...well of course she is happy with it. It looks freaking fantastic. This isn't my first hair rodeo, ffs.
The details don't matter really though. The reason I posted about this here is, it's the same "I am the center of your universe whether you like it or not" behavior my qualifiers have exhibited throughout my life and she has learned from the best and frankly, it's exhausting. I no longer live with any of my qualifiers and I would have liked to think maybe, it was time to relax but apparently, that's just not going to happen. I need bigger boundaries than ever, and maybe a guard tower and an electric fence. And an assault rifle.
Psychologist lady explained teenage boundaries really well today, that they expand exponentially but the child is eternally butted up against them, making sure that they are there. That makes very good sense. It's also exhausting and so counter-intuitive to me. Laissez-faire is my preferred style, in all of my affairs. Apparently I need to be more controlling. It's funny, no?
Blah.
-- Edited by MissM on Wednesday 16th of November 2016 09:41:09 PM
A41, I believe she is trying to jump on the "be nasty to her and she'll cave and suck up to you" bandwagon she's seen rolling by so many times throughout her life. And as I discussed with nice psych lady today, she's possibly thinking, "well, everyone else got away with this crap with her so why isn't it my turn now?"
Funny you should mention it because I have released her to spend Christmas with her father and his concubine, and I have been registering my name to serve Christmas dinner to the homeless with various organisations today. I think, I'd be pretty OK with that.
And when it's done, I'm going to spent Christmas night seeing 'Bad Santa 2" alone because, Bad Santa is my Christmas movie and I'm a bit stoked that there's a sequel coming out. I think, I'm pretty OK with this Christmas plan.
Oops. Lol yeah the battle for control. I lost then won back again thanks to alanon. I remember before alanon feeling so sorry for my teenagers. They defo had the worst parents in world they're poor wee hormones they are having such a hard time. I was so wrong to justify bad behaviour and actually feel like I deserved it. Then I got alanon learned I was worth much more than this crap there was no excuse for it and I was enabling so I began stating once and clearly. I don't like you speaking to me like that. Calmly threw my boys and let them know I meant it. Of course words don't matter to anyone your retraining it's the action so I began removing things from them. Things they enjoyed and made it calm and stated this is a consequence for such and such and you will get it back .... of course there's tears and tantrums. Ride it out. It's your job to step up. She's screaming first boundaries and alpha and if she doesn't get it in your she is going to fill the role. I actually couldn't believe how little time it took to retrain using boundaries. You can do this Mel. Don't take it to heart either that will stop you doing the next right thing.
I think abuse is what happens when young people grow up and continue the same behaviour. What strikes me is that she was distressed about her hair (that sounds like a natural teenage reaction, especially if a dye job turned out in a way she didn't expect), and a) she blames it on you (she's feeling angry and wants to blame someone), and b) she didn't know how to soothe herself, at least in the short run. The b) is fairly normal, the a) is not unusual, but obviously is maladaptive, unfair, and damaging.
I would guess that she's a 13-year-old who's maybe a little behind on her maturity, and who is struggling to figure out how to handle distress. And obviously her dad's family has not shown her any kind of model on how to do it.
I have had to teach myself how to endure similar distress myself, because no one in my family had a clue. I have to tell myself, "It doesn't feel like it, but this will end. After a while the emotions will clear away and I'll be able to see some solutions. I only can't see them now because I am so flooded by emotion. I have to trust in the process." And to myself, "Don't make it worse, don't make it worse, don't make it worse." Because my reactivity at the time makes it worse unless I get a grip on myself. I guess it boils down to "Don't React."
So my guess is that she's in a similar position, and once she's calmed down, would benefit from some mutual brainstorming about how to handle floods of distress. And not resort to blame and making things worse.
You've got some good reflection going on - she has an excellent model to learn from.
Mattie, at the risk of seeming reactionary, of course I helped her with her hair and soothed her through the process once we worked through the initial mutually psychotic reaction. How long do you think i could listen to her cry for? The threshold is sub 3 minutes. Honestly I feel like, when I talk about my offspring, you share about your childhood which is, by the way, pretty similar to mine, and i end up feeling like, you think i just leave her out in the cold unloved and unheard. (I am being honest about my triggers and I really hope this won't alienate you). (Also, I'm sorry. It was like that for me too. I get it). It triggers something in me because yeah, honestly, I would and could never leave her alone and wondering. That was my childhood. It will never be hers. But the initial reaction/response to bad behaviour....that's something i am learning to do a lot more coldly and precisely because she manipulates the crap out of me. She freaking dances all over me. I want you to know that I know what it's like to be left alone with all of those emotions and worries too, and I just won't ever and could never leave my child alone with them for more than, maybe 5 minutes of "getting it". I love this kid more than air. She's never alone and she never will be. But I need to learn to be harsher and not dance when she decide to shoot at my feet because it gets ridiculous. She has so much power over me and it's just so unbalanced. Maybe I'm wrong but I get the impression that you think I am just leaving her alone to deal with a whole set of adult emotions all by herself. I'm not. She's my freaking world and I'm acutely aware of what she's going through at all times (as far as I understand it) because, she just acts so damn much like me.
-- Edited by MissM on Thursday 17th of November 2016 04:38:44 PM
First....YOU DO NOT SUCK AS A PARENT!!!! And second...your kid only seems like she is possessed...lol. Mine did too at 13 and they are a lot alike. Mine is 17 now and really becoming her own person. It is not easy...ever...because we love them so much. I had to start loving her a little less "tightly" though because we were smothering each other. We still do sometimes and yes, she still throws a tantrum sometimes, but that is part of growing up.
The way we got through the teen hell from 12 on up so far (and it does seem a little better now to be sure) is this: when she was nasty to me (although the words your lovely daughter sent you were unacceptable and would have resulted in a "give me your phone", was that I told her, and I still tell her "there is nothing you can do bad enough that I won't love you. But, it is my job to do what I think is best because your still a child. It is your job to be a child and to try to grow up too fast. My job is to slow you down so you can learn to make the best decisions." I did take her phone or he pr keys often and I did deal a lot with "I forgot"...especially with things that were for "her" convenience (like parking her vehicle behind mine so I could not leave without having her move her vehicle....with the blowing and eye rolling and "just a minute, I'm busy" junk...so, I made a new rule.."you park behind my vehicle one more time and block me in and you will give me your keys...period. On the first violation, it will be for one day, the second will be for two, and the third will be for a week. Strange when the results of her actions were a negative consequence to her, she remembers every time. On one occasion (and only one), she made an honest mistake...I could see the fear in her eyes and she got one reprieve because of the situation. I'm not completely unreasonable, but I was tired of teenage manipulation.
Honey, your daughter is testing you. That is her job. Your job is to put up limits and to enforce them. The phone is a WONDERFUL enforcement tool....along with the very short lecture about personal responsibility. You can start slow if it makes you really uncomfortable to begin with. They are all "smarter" than we are, don't you know? I believe I may have been 30 before I realized my parents weren't completely stupid. It was quite the eye opener...lol
You are doing a fine job parenting this lovely girl. She is acting out and you have to step up your game to meet what she is dishing out. And yes, I do believe teens feel things so strongly (love, hate, anger, frustration, lust, hurt, happiness) WAY, WAY stronger than adults do...it is a true hormonal thing. Their bodies are having extreme emotions they do not know how to handle and they mess up sometimes. Imagine how horrified you would feel if your hair were suddenly "ahem...unacceptable" and you had to go meet a bunch of snooty ladies the next day. Well for her, her friends are her "judgment team" right now and their opinion really matters. She is terrified of looking bad (a normal response) but not adept in responding to these emotions. That is where you have to step in and remind her that she elected the color herself and she demanded the hair color, so the consequences are on her...period. It is fine to be upset, but you are not going to accept unacceptable behavior...period. Then decide on a suitable punishment (no for the feelings, but for her improper behavior) and enforce it...period. It works, I promise (even if you do go get in the shower and cry sometimes). Just don't let her know she gets to you because that is too much power for her to have. She's not ready for it yet...lol
Oh, by the way Mel, her in the States were I live lesbianism is all the rage with the young girls. It often passes. My dsugher's class was virtually all lesbian at one time...now I think there are two left....all things in moderation. It was a way to express sexuality in a safe environment because getting pregnant wasn't an issue. It was also a passing phase for many. The people who were serious stuck with it...the others moved on to teenage boys.
You get to decide where she can and cannot go. If you want to go to a rally, fine...if not, then the answer is no. It is about the I am the parent. When you are 18, or whatever age you choose, and paying for your own lifestyle...then you can go where you please. Until then, you will have to make do with being at home. This is your home and your choice Mel, she will still love you if you say no. She will be angry and will show out...just as much as you will let her, but she will still love you.
It's not about sexual orientation here, it is about parental manipulation and control.
I hear you and dont think its about love really. I think your getting to the point where it is a job, raising your girl in the appropriate way and you dont want a spoilt brat on your hands for years and years to come so you want to get more precise and structured and I do believe thats the way to go. Consequences, simple, clear and fair. For me its less about big discussions and taking part in their drama and being the one responsible for soothing it. I think this does sound harsh and of course we should listen to them and help them through this difficult time in life but the best way I found I was helping was keeping it simple for my son. Much like the boundaries I put in place for my ex ah partner. I stated what was unacceptable without criticism or judgement but also without ready made excuses such as oh its your hormones and your such a poor soul going through the bad teenage years. I mean, to just stay calm and quiet is modelling the behaviour we expect in them and i found that to be the best teacher.
Of course Mel! I have no judgment here for sure. I just mentioned it because I saw the similarities of our girls.
I'm shocked you remembered about my work....but i has to medically retire several years ago. At one time I loved it, but I honestly got sick of the circus. I am much happier here at home being all domestic that chasing people around dealing with their excess baggage.
No Mel, I don't judge either one of you at all. I hope you both find complete happiness! It's just that I see you being hurt and I "like a good AlAnon" want to help....lol
And, just so you know, many LEO's choose their career because they are enclined to be a little on the "wild" side themselves. We are cravers of excitement in a way. We just choose one side or the other. And, I was the wild one of my family for sure!!!lol I guess that is why I can understand where my daughter is coming from now. I actually kind of wish mine had more of a life outside of home. She doesn't trust well after she was slammed by a best friend and now she is really a loner. I wish she were able to enjoy life a little more, but I can't live it for her. She has to make her own way, no matter how hard I want to make her happy.
Here is a gift of a quote from Mark Twain, talking about his father...
"When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
((((Miss M)))) I use to counsel those critters and I had lessons before I did which I sat and listened deeply to while learning the rules and regs of Al-Anon and Alateen and the parents. One of my Fathers told me a story of putting on a 13th birthday party for his princess daughter who had to excuse herself for several minutes to go to the bathroom and when she was done and came back to the party the biggest bitch entered the room. I use to imagine openly that my groups were alcoholics in training because they were all alky kids. I had one girl during family group threaten my life so I excused myself and went into the office quietly and called the local police and then lo and behold I let them into the meeting while it was going on and one parent (hers) broke down crying and the rest of the group went into paralysis while I calmly asker her to leave the group and join the police in a vacant room with her mother outside witnessing the event. They took her of course and she never returned to group and later called me to thank me for my caring. Thank You God. "Don't react...respond" My former sponsor taught me that one lol.
Mel, my apologies. I did not mean to imply that you were neglectful, and I wouldn't ever think that. I'm sorry if my comments were misguided, and if I have offended.
I have a daughter attracted to saving the world. It's in her blood, God bless her. While it appears to be an extreme of the "me" I'm trying not to be anymore.... I can do nothing but support her in her very dangerous endeavor in the U.S. army. We don't agree about a lot but I try to practice "Live and let live." Daily, I visualize her surrounded by divine protective light as she pops into my head, absolutely trusting that God's got her, forever and ever.
That said, no matter how much I love her, I will not give my daughter freedom to talk abusively to me. Sadly, she saw me allowing her father control and verbally abuse me her entire childhood.... this is what I modeled for her.
No more.
One of the goals in my recovery is to amend the false beliefs I once held, one of them was the (unconscious) belief that I deserve to be treated abusively and I deserve scraps from my relationships.
Today, I'm modeling something different for my daughter... (who is an adult and out of the house.) Today I am modeling that women should NEVER EVER tolerate abuse... not from any one.
It may not register with her for years... if it ever does. The outcome is out of my hands. But my recovery work called for me to develop the courage to change the things I can.....
She's not happy with me because last time we spoke I would not be her puppet and allow her to control and abuse me. I had to keep saying, that is not for you and I to talk about.... that is between me and your dad... nope, not going to talk about that.... over and over and over. She was livid. But I calmly held my boundary and still said I love you.
Recovery taught me something very important... we are all equals. You and I, we both matter. But it had to BEGIN WITH ME developing the belief because my self esteem was in the gutter when I showed up in Al-anon. When I allow one person to run roughshod over me but don't allow"the neighbor" to.... this kind of love is selective and a clue that something is amiss. You are getting it, the fog is clearing for you too.
The other thing I want to throw out there...... hormones. If she is a teenager, hers are wild now. Reminds me when I started recovery, I was in perimenopause and I would often say to my sponsor, "I can't tell if it's my thinking problem or my hormones."
God, we laughed a lot about our hormones, lol
Hang in there, my friend, you are doing very very courageous work.
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 17th of November 2016 04:30:56 PM
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 17th of November 2016 04:35:34 PM
I really wish I had been able to attend al-ateen or go to therapy when I was a kid. I like who I am and all, but if I could have learned better coping mechanisms and the tools of recovery as a kid, I would have (probably, who knows) saved myself a lot of turmoil.
Hiya msM ,hope you enjoy your movie and do the things you want while daughter is away ,I know you will,remember to keep the focus on you.and live in the moment ,"you got this " ....(((((((msM )))))))
I have eight kids. 6 are now adults and the last two are 15 and 17. Teenage hood blew me out of the water. I always felt it was a nasty trick someone played on us parents. All eight of my kids have certainly gone through the puberty stage and I could definitely see the changes in attitude and such. However I had two of my children that were a nightmare for awhile. Without going into a lot of detail I will just say I did not know how I would survive them day to day.
I could not say or do anything right. Saying they were abusive to me is an understatement. I am a pretty calm person for the most part but I wondered who I was during that period in my life. The day I pushed one of my daughters down I knew I needed assistance. And I got it.
But what I want to say is that teenagers can be difficult. It is normal for them to be difficult. I have very clear cut expectations in my house about respect and behavior. So with each kid I just continued to enforce those expectations. I taught them they could say anything they wanted to me and the other family members as long as they were respectful when doing it. I encouraged them to express their feelings. ( which often were irrational and exhausting to listen to.) I tried to remember to pay attention to HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired). And tried to teach them to do the same. It is amazing what a little food ( or sleep) can do for a bad mood.
I have six girls. I also paid close attention to menstrual cycles and tried to teach them to do the same. I had six teenagers in the house at a time for years. It was just plain hard at times. ( for much of it I was a single mom) But yes it is normal and the good news is this. As insane as you may feel some days......all of your hard work of loving, setting boundaries, listening to irrational conversations, helping them build tools for living and patience does pay off.
The worst and most difficult kids will often become the nicest adults and love you beyond words for all of your hard work with them. My one daughter tells me I literally saved her life. ( because I pulled her out of school when I found out she was participating in destructive activities) She told me later that she wanted out of all the bad stuff she was doing but didnt know how to do it. (She hated me at the time)
I believe it is very important to pay attention to behaviors. Some teenagers experience a lot of depression. For those kids they need to know that someone cares and is paying attention. They also need to know that it is not normal to feel suicidal and it is important to be proactive in those situations so they have a good support system. ( Im not saying your child is experiencing this. Some of mine did)
At the end of the day remind yourself what an awesome person you are and make a mental note of all you accomplished that day even if it seems small. Moms to teenagers are heroes! That makes you a hero!!! Never forget that.
6 teenage girls. Wow that puts my own experience in perspective. It sounds like you did an amazing job and your right they come back and they are often our best friends too. My son gave me such a hard time but I think we have developed a closeness. Teenagers challenge us to the core and I needed that.
My daughter is 18. I told her. This is the money I have for you. When it's gone it's gone. This is your spending money. If you want more, you will have to get a job. She had summer job, bu quit that when she went to college. I also told her, I want to see grades C and above. If I see bad grades or hear bad reports, I will not help pay these college bills. She still pushes the limits sometimes. I also insist she calls grandma, and once in a while she calls me. I understand she has her own friends and would rather spend time with them.
I think it helps if you are REALLY CLEAR maybe even write it down. They are all snotty at this age to some degree or another just my opinion. That has nothing to do with alcohol. Kids are self centered at that age. It's developmental.
I personally don't care what they do with their hair. I don't like some of the clothes they wear. I told her so, but when I don't see her, I don't know what she does. I think some of the clothes look trashy. She doesn't wear in front of me, but I don't know when she's not here.
-- Edited by Lucy125 on Saturday 19th of November 2016 08:43:05 PM
You sound as if you have this Maybe simple bounaries would work well and remembering that what is said has nothing to do with you 