The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The last few weeks have been really great between my AH and I. It feels like things suddenly magically got a lot better between us. I know that isn't the case (the sudden magic part) but I think what has happened is that as I've practiced the program he's picked up some things along the way too. I've been struggling and struggling with the program but as I have found more peace for myself I've been more peaceful with others and in turn my daughter and my AH have been more peaceful with me. For a long time there was a lot of hostility on both sides of the relationship. I've slowly been trying to let go of the hostility in my relationship on my side. I've been focusing on what I appreciate about my AH and the things he does right instead of criticizing. Because there is a lot to appreciate in my relationship. I'm a lot less "touchy" than I used to be and I've let my guard down a lot and trusted him in most areas. And amazingly he's done the same. It didn't happen all at once but gradually over time we each let go of our hostility with each other and we are able to have conversations more. We work together more and we both talk to each other about things that are bothering us (even things outside our marriage that are bothering or worrying us) and the other person is much more supportive than in the past. This is a huge thing for me because my AH had a nasty habit of using the things I confided in him against me in an argument down the road (and you can be sure that I did similar things to him) but as I've learned the program I've really learned how to share and open up to people and still feel strong. I've noticed my AH's drinking has decreased but I won't hold my breath. I know the disease too well to be fooled by a few good weeks but I can appreciate those good weeks for exactly what they are. Without knowing it I was practicing the slogan let it begin with me. I know that I struggled the most when I felt like people were being nasty to me and I couldn't retaliate. I felt the most resentful when I was kind and courteous to people even when they weren't that way to me. I have looked a lot at what kind of person I want to be instead of reacting to everyone else's behaviour and justifying my reactions. I'm not perfect. My reactions can jump out of my mouth before my brain has time to process them but I think I'm getting a lot better. What is funny is that thi is the slogan that irritated me the most when I first came to Al Anon my thought was "why does it always have to begin with me and grumble grumble grumble complain complain complain". But without realizing it I was using it. I did these things to create peace for myself and it had unexpected results in my relationships. It doesn't mean that every day is sunshine and roses but things are better even if just for today. Thanks for reading.
((KT)) that is how it works Changed attitudes do aid recovery as the alanon opening states.
I was extremely busy writing my gratitude and asset lists on a daily basis and was very surprise when all of a sudden I began to "feel " grateful and noticed my responses changing . I found that I no longer reacted in a knee jerk negative fashion but instead responded in a supportive, constructive manner. That is a good reason for the slogan that you mentioned.
(((KT))) - great lovely share....I so agree - this is exactly how things have been in my journey too. There are ebbs/flows but the more I change and recover, the better things get around me.
It is not perfect, but nobody's life/relationship/marriage is. I focus as best I can on what's working, what's good and how grateful I am. I can even say that given the choice, I would repeat this path again as it's taught me more about me, life, love, loyalty, forgiveness and healing.
Thanks for putting your ESH in writing and sharing with us!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for sharing this, as it sure sounds like the way the program is meant to work in our lives. I am happy for all of you.....the hostility and tension have decreased....it is like ripples on the pond affecting everyone.
