The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is all about Step 3 and how it's critical to our path for growth. Many of us came to recovery thinking we were well and we just wanted/needed our qualifier to change. We had tried with great intentions to control people, places and things - sincerely believing our way was the correct way. With insanity defined as doing something the same way over and over again, and expecting different results, all we really needed to do was take a look at our track record. Most of us when seeking our way by insisting upon our will did not work out. We kept trying - working harder and faster and ... it was an insane way to live.
Step 3 suggests, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". This step allows up to relinquish control to a power greater than ourselves. We are given the choice between the insanity of our will vs sanity with God's will. We can choose between running around in the same circles or we can surrender and turn towards a genuine source of help.
Today's reminder - I may find it easy to point to the alcoholic's irrational or self-destructive choices. It is harder to admit that my own behavior has not always been sane. Today I can let go of insisting upon my will. With this simple decision I make a commitment to sanity.
Today's quote from As We Understood - "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end."
Today's reading is so helpful for me to measure progress in my recovery. When I first arrived, I lived, breathed and slept with the weight of the world on my shoulders (it felt). I was conditioned by FOO as well as the disease to put everyone else first, and when faced with issues, problems, etc. - work as hard as possible to fix the issue...
The disease brings a formidable challenge. Our literature suggests no human power can relieve us of this disease. I fought this concept with every ounce of my being. I tried everything to impose my will on others, knowing if they would just be as I thought, all would be well.
This is crazy thinking of itself. To assume I know more/better than anyone else is egocentric and a recipe for disappointment and resentments. When I finally decided sanity was a better choice, all I had to do was decide to be/live/act/react/think differently. Using the steps and the tools of this program gave me a formatted plan to change me. It all began with an admission of surrender, and ownership of my insanity and asking for help from a power greater than me.
The reminder is where I see growth in my program! I rarely, even to my sponsor, vent, discuss, write about or obsess on the actions/words of others. I was 'there' always/often when I arrived. My will was struggling to let go, and I often still focused on others around me. I have been relieved of this obsession, and am grateful. Each moment of every day, if I allow it, my brain can/will go and focus on many things beyond my control - people, places, events, distractions. Instead, I can just see the truth - others with their own isms - and let it all go!
Grateful for MIP, Al-Anon and the gift of recovery. Each and every tool presented to me gives me cause for pause to challenge me to be/do/respond differently. Happy Friday to one and all! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning IAH, thanks for sharing your wisdom on today's reading in the C2C. I too was afflicted with the insane desire to force my will, no matter what. I really took to heart the saying; "if at first you fail your deed, try, try again." What I did not realize is that I needed to learn the lessons from each failure and nor repeat the same mistake over and over. Nor did I see that what I did was the definition of insanity. Program's Third step helped me to change lifelong destructive patterns that did not serve me.
One of the most important ideas that I learned to accept in program was to keep an open mind, allow everybody to have their opinions, without interrupting and to process everybody's thoughts without judgment. These new tools instilled in me the principle of respecting everybody's rights as well as the ability to sense the insanity in my attitudes and be willing to change.
The third step states; "made a decision to turn our will and lives over to HP."
In reading the step, I realized that all it called for was my "making a decision". I did not have to actually turn my will over and that was fine with me as I did not have a clue how to do so. My sponsor explained that learning to turn my will over was a process and that by using the slogans, going to meetings, reading the literature I was doing my best to turn my will over, and that later on, when more clarity arrived, I would discover my will and use the tools to Let go and Let God . In time ,I was amazed to find new constructive responses replacing my old worn out reactive ideas and concepts -- They surfaced without much effort on my part except for my wiliness to change and daily prayer.
Changed altitudes do aid recovery as the alanon opening states. Have a good day.
Thank you IAH and Betty. These C2C posts and your sharing really help me. I've been struggling with the HP concept, and pretending I wasn't. Ergo not really Letting anything go. Doing a huge disservice to myself and others. I first started alanon I was thrilled and felt renewed. Like I'd come home. Now, that I know a little bit and can be more honest about my pride and lack of humility, I'm not as hopeful about my ability to have an authentic loving relationship with God. My test was....I couldn't go into a f2f meeting Wed because there was a nun sitting in the room. I saw her, in full whimple, through the window as I drove into the parking lot. I sat frozen with fear until it was too late to go in. I couldn't trust God enough to give it to Him or myself enough to be real in the meeting:(.
Thank you so much for the reading and your meaningful shares, IAH and Betty. Love, love, love this page, and your ESH; so spot on! So many great points in the reading and shares that are cornerstones of recovery. Giving up the focus on others, especially the A in my life, and focusing on maintaining my peace and serenity and changing thought patterns has changed my life.
So grateful for the wisdom of the program and the fellowship...have a great weekend
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
