It is so hard to stay on my side of the street at the moment and not rush in and meddle.  UGH .. queen of the meddlers is what I am at times. 

I'm watching someone I care about go through some really messy stuff .. that whole watching a train wreck seeing the train wreck and kind of saying ummm .. do you even see the train coming?  Then I have to really remind myself .. this is not my lesson, hands off.  I can be there to be supportive, listen and just really focus on me.  It's not always easy to do.  The level of drama going on is much higher than I like and while I want to be understanding .. there is also the issue of making sure I am taking care of myself and the kids. 

I have had some surprising reactions to a few situations that I figured I was over .. well .. not so much .. sometimes it's silly things, or possibly something that is just a trigger that the other person had NO idea about .. LOL .. it's like umm .. so not on them.  It's been a learning experience that I am grateful for .. I really enjoy my sig other.  He's a very good man .. I'm still finding my footing and figuring things out as I go. 

The best part that I have been learning is what is my stuff and what is not, the what is not my stuff .. that's God's stuff and I need to just let God sort that all out.

The X has decided to make an appearance and has upset my daughter.  It was nothing inappropriate unless you consider the fact that he's being served and will be compelled to make a court appearance.  I think that's actually why he's reaching out I find the timing uncanny.  Idiot.  He's doing what my sponsor called a hit and run .. meaning .. he's going to poke his head in try to get some information and run away yet again.  This is the first time in MONTHS he's reached out first and my daughter was less than impressed because honestly .. she had a bad day.  In her mind this was the capper on the cake and she was not pleased with her father.  To the point she wanted to know if she could legally have him removed from her birth certificate .. WOW .. that's what I call extreme and I told her when she turns 18 we can look into it if that's how she feels.  She can change her name if she feels so inclined, at this point let's just take a breath and see what the morning brings .. hopefully a river of red and things will pass .. goodness. 

What can I do?  Pray, try and just let her figure things out.  We did talk a bit about what she was feeling and her anger right now .. the man picks a week before her period to call.  It's like he has a sixth sense about let's pick the worst time to cause more stress .. lol.  UGH.  This is like he managed to always pick a time where she was having end of the year exams to pull major bs with her .. thankfully being far away that has kind of dealt with it.  She got a lesson in relationships with her boyfriend who is brother approved .. this is important .. lol.  He is not easily swayed and even my guy he's not tested however he's definitely watching him.  Really he likes him a great deal .. he's just not willing to admit it just yet. 

I'm not sure how my son feels about his dad reaching out.  He didn't say much so he may not have realized what was going on both of them are so checked out at this point.  It just is what it is and I'm not going to push them at all.  Boy wanted to sleep with me tonight and I told him not tonight .. I know he senses some tension .. We cuddled up for a bit and I sent him to bed when he relaxed for a bit. 

Anyway, I'm really just working on living in the moment no matter how long that moment is, and this is the first time I have felt truly free to be myself within the bounds of a relationship and it's been a great feeling.  Wanting to be more than I was before and not feeling as if I'm loosing myself in the process. 

Hugs S :)