The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
She wasn't very nice to me in the weeks leading up to her time away, and to be honest I've dreaded hearing from her. The day she left, she messaged me (obviously drunk) from the airport bar to tell me she was going to have a miserable time because my siblings were fighting and having dramas. I felt a bit irritated; woman, you're going to be away for a month; can't you discuss your trip or wish me well or something other than dumping your concerns about my siblings upon me? I love them, but they're not my freaking monkeys!!!
By the way, we're all fine. We met in the city to see Doctor Strange together last weekend. Youngest brother brought vodka-gummy bears. He was obviously coming down from a drunk. I had a couple; I had no interest in becoming drunk but they were pretty moorish. Is it enabling if he was going to have them anyway? I don't know. I take this program to mean I should do what is best for me and I wanted to try one. I only see him maybe twice a year and I surely don't intend wasting the opportunity instructing him on whether or not he should be drunk at all times. The poor guy though; he's a really successful musician and he's just had his heart broken for the first time (how does someone get to almost 30 without falling in love for the first time?) and he's dealing with it by staying drunk. He knows that I'm here for him and it's not my job to judge him alcoholic or not. I don't know. Anyway, I guess it's irrelevant. We all saw Doctor Strange together and it was so good to be with my siblings. God I love them. Vodka gummy bears or not.
So tonight mother messaged me and started telling me about her trip. I resisted any urge to tell her "things" and instead asked questions and ended the conversation with, "I'm glad you're having a great time mum. I love you". And I do, and it felt good to say so.
It's good to live in my truth instead of living in "if i say this, he/she might".
After that, my middle brother messaged me to tell me how worried he was about oldest brother being nasty to youngest brother and how they're both always drunk and he's so worried about how their conflict affects both of them.
I told him, buddy, it's not your circus and they aren't your monkeys. I think he was annoyed.
I probably deserve his irritation; in the past I've been in there with my own dramas fighting for center stage.
All I know is, I love them all and that is literally all I have to give. And I'm grateful to know that.
I think it is though Pink. For all of the lessons I've learned and stuff, the bottom line is, I love these people. With all of my heart, and then some, and it's OK to do that. I just don't have to make myself sick over it.
What a thing, huh?
All these difficult posts about the concept of detachment with love and you just explained it so clearly with your esh...though I know it has been years of alanon work and practice for you...
I also really love how Alanon has taught me that Im good enough just being me and I dont need to 'perform ' the old role to gain acceptance, its very freeing. To know that im not below anyone struggling to live up to their expectations and giving up the real me for it. Im an equal and its actually okay for me to not quite fit in and have that golden approval that I so much wanted and sank to new lows to try hard to acheive. Its just not worth it. Most of the members of my family are sick thinkers so therefor to be 'accepted' often means to take my new found healthy(ish) thinking back to the sick way of thinking and no, i cant compromise myself for any of that anymore.
I like that now if I dont 'fit in' to any cliche, groups be they family or not then actually its most likely a sign that im being true to myself and doing quite well. I have also got to be careful so as not to go the other way where i feel like im better or above than anyone else, thats still part of my sickness. Thanks for the share.
