The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays c2c speaks of the fact that our motivation for doing something can be far more important than the action itself. As an example, it talks about speaking up when we are bothered by something. We might use the exact same words and yet if our motivation is to manipulate or change another person's behavior then our focus will be on their reaction and this will more often than not leave us feeling yuk. If on the other hand our motivation is to state our truth, defend a boundary etc and our focus is on ourselves we can walk away from the situation feeling good about our behaviour regardless of the outcome or the reaction of any other people involved.
The reading reminds us to take the right actions for ourselves regardless of the result we anticipate.
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, i would still plant my apple tree" (Martin Luther)
***
It is such a large yet subtle difference to stand up for myself without trying to provoke validation of my right to do so by seeking a reaction. Learning to have boundaries was an absolute revolution for me; learning that I don't require another person to validate them was the missing piece. That to me is a key part of staying focused on myself, knowing that I can state my truth and the only person that needs to agree with me is me, so, the other person's reaction matters far less. When the other person's reaction matters little to me then i feel i have behaved with integrity. It's a winner all round really
Hi Ms.M. I love this reading and the tool of "examining my motives" . It was very shocking in the beginning of this journey to discover that even my kindest act and responses were motivated by wanting people to like me or to obtain a pay back or t force solutions .
Being ble to act with kindness and generosity without strings is a true gift of the program and so amazingly rewarding.
Thanks for your service. have a loley day.
Thank you for sharing this great page today, MissM! This is definitely one of my favorite pages; agree with Betty: powerful tool when we pair it with honesty.
I was generally an overt controller, and AlAnon helped me recognize that and work on cutting that out. But this page really helped me see how many times I said things with expectations, and/or repeat what I said until I got the desired result. Honest evaluation allowed me to see the direct connection between my level of frustration, agitation, and impatience and my expectations of others.
Great reminder and meditation topic for me, grateful for the program and fellowship
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Amen to all of the above. Many thanks for the shares.
I have learnt to check my motives before doing something. Life changer. What a shock at first!! When I started to see my motives for what they really were.
