The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things you have experienced that someone else tries to convince you are untrue.
Ie : you are in a gas station. Someone walks in and steals a candy bar and walks out.
You approach that person and say "you stole a candy bar!". They turn around and tell you that you are wrong, and follow that up with an arsenal of evidence to support their claim.
In a relationship with an alcoholic , gaslighting is a common tactic to support their abuse.
I thought it was more a deliberate attempt to undermine your faith in your own perception more so than just "trying to get away with something". Trying to convince you that you're too crazy to know what's real etc.
Yes, it originally comes from a 1944 movie called "Gaslight," about a manipulative husband who tries to convince his wife she's crazy when she begins to suspect that something wrong is going on. One thing that happens is that she thinks that at some times, the lights in their house (which are gas lights, since this is set in the time when lights were gas instead of electric) - anyway, she thinks the lights in their house are dimmer sometimes. Her husband ridicules her for this, as well as for other things - valuable objects go missing, etc., but he insists it's all her imagination. It turns out that he has been doing suspicious criminal things in the attic, and when he turns on the lights up there, it makes the lights in the rest of the house dimmer. So she was right all along, and he was just ridiculing her to make her think she was crazy and imagining things. A powerful film. The woman is played by Ingrid Bergman.; she won an Academy Award for it.
-- Edited by Mattie on Wednesday 2nd of November 2016 04:08:54 AM
Yeah, it's a great movie. I believe he's also trying to get her committed so that he will have access to her funds -- I think she was more well-off than him and he was scamming her from the get go - whirlwind romance, isolation from family, the whole deal. I can't remember if it's a HItchcock movie. I remember watching it as a kid. But did I learn? no! :)
It's when someone tries to make you think you're crazy/doubt your reality in order to throw you off the trail from their own bad actions that they know are wrong.
Gaslighting is an emotional abusive tactic whereas the abuser tries to convince you that your perception of reality is untrue. Your memory recall is distorted so the abuser can get away with something. I am going to find that movie and watch it.
Great question and I almost wanted to skip this share. I have a lovely and unique situation where my sponsor is a double-winner as well as a therapist. One of many great lessons she has taught me was how easy it is for us to label others in order to explain or justify ourselves and/or our reactions. As such, I do not use any labels/terms especially those for mental health professionals to describe another person. I feel it is wrong and I am not trained to do so.
Even if I feel another is narcissistic or abusive in any way/shape/form, what recovery has taught me is I have to take the proper action to protect myself - sanity, serenity, joy, etc. No matter what it is or what it may be called, I have no control and applying a label to it doesn't change me, my role or my next right steps.
Here's a link to a great article that describes it and what it is not.....https://alfredmacdonald.com/2012/11/07/gaslighting-what-it-isnt/
My thoughts, understanding and opinions are aligned very much with the writer. I believe with the internet and the enormous amounts of data/information available, we tend to practice armchair psychology way too often and I just would rather keep it simple....
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I experienced gaslighting from my qualifier often as a direct result of his drinking. He would black out or forget important conversations, then tell me I was making things up. He complained to other people, sometimes in front of me, about unfounded accusations and this faulty memory of mine.
At the time, I felt very isolated by this. I didn't doubt my experiences but I was fully aware of his active effort to discredit me, and make me appear unreasonable to others to protect his drinking. Without support, I'm sure that his behavior over time would have made me doubt my reality.
I think of this as part of his disease. His disconnect from reality in that time of his life was important to protect himself from his own drinking, and though it was hurtful towards me it wasn't personal.
In my current state of recovery, I hope I would put up with a lot less of that behavior but thankfully it hasn't been an issue.
