The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I didn't know my brother was drinking. He lives in another town and he hid it from the extended family. He would call me and I would make small talk. I knew he had problems, I just thought he was severely depressed. I didn't know about the alcohol. Sometimes I would get angry and ask him to come up and see his mom. He hasn't seen here in 4 years. I think he was using the phone calls to make himself feel guilty so he could blame us for his drinking. He may not survive, so I don't know if there's anything I can do now.
I have a son, 15, and he drives me crazy with his computer usage. I think he's addicted and makes a lot of excuses. Computer comes out of the room at night. I have caught him sneaking computer games. Sometimes I nag him. I want to get out of that naggy/provoking behavior. Today, I told him he had to stay for the computer club after school. It's still computer, but it's with real people. How does one avoid nagging/provoking. Sometimes I drag him out of room and make him attend gym with me. He does have a lot of friends, but he really likes to be alone playing his games. HIs grades are pretty good, except for one c minus.
((Anne)) I understand and you are not alone. When I kept attending meetings, listening with an open mind I discovered that living in an alcoholic environment , I developed many destructive tools to live by. These tool do not work. the program helped to introduce me to new constructive tools to live by.
I needed to attend meetings, work the Steps and keep the focus on myself while examining my motives and truly accepting that i was powerless over people places and things. Then I could draw a Boundary and hold to it, so as to stop attempting to control the uncontrollable . Keep coming back
(((Anne))) - I can relate to your posts. The program and recovery also helped me see that many of my 'best intentions' were often extreme, which then makes them defects vs. assets. The program showed me healthy ways to support others without controlling, manipulating, coercing, etc. We truly are powerless over people, places and things. Our insanity with this program includes our inability to know this at the basic level of our being.
We learn to keep the focus on ourselves so others may experience their own mistakes, success, consequences, etc. The meetings for me were a constant reminder that there is a better way to think, do, act and respond.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Starting to see Rome wasn't built in a day. Which of the books do you recommend? I have been reading the newcomers packet. I have read several times and still don't understand some of it. It takes me a long time to understand something. After I read all this a few more times. I want ONE of the books. Which to start.
Agree with Betty's suggestions! All great tools for our program.
Anne - I chuckled about your son - I have learned more from my boys than I ever thought I would. They are even more open now that I respond instead of react.....it's been an eye-opener how they see me vs. how I see me! Great growth opportunities exist when we have an open mind!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
