The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate when my brain spirals out of control. Tonight I'm spinning about the past, how far I thought I had come and realizing that I'm kind of stuck where I was two years ago, just with a lot less anger and anxiety. I still want control over the uncontrollable. I want to feel acceptance without having to be passive. I want to emote without being reactive. I want to be better at accessing my tools and strengths when I get bogged down with these feelings.
I feel disconnected from so much right now and yet have all the freedom and resources to be connected. At the end of the day, I want to be grateful instead of fearful I messed up somehow. I want to be able to share all my life without filtering based on fear of judgement from someone else.
I want the spinning in my head to stop and I guess I'm the only one that can make that happen is me. I guess I'll just keep telling myself "I got this" and one day it will be true!
When my brain gets to spiraling out of control like that I learned something that has really helped me in a self-help book that I read (not Al-Anon approved) - when I find my brain spinning with worries of the future and causing me a lot of undo anxiety and such I simply say outloud "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!" Three times. And it works for me! It reminds me that I can't predict or control the future and that most of what we worry about never happens. When I find myself thinking about past issues, mistakes and such I say outloud "IT DOESN'T MATTER....IT DOESN'T MATTER....IT DOESN'T MATTER". And that helps me to remember that the past is the past....what's done is done....I can't change it....and today is a new day. Just a couple of suggestions on what has helped me and has helped to get my anxiety and worries under control at times like that.
((Crau)) It sounds as if you have "got this", the program, the principles and the concepts. One day at a time they will become a reality. I found that by simply practicing the first 3 Steps each day, I found that my reactions changed to responses and I was able to keep the focus on myself and emote with honesty, clarity and an open mind. Keep coming back and using the tools
I think both JoJo and Betty have some good ESH here. Does it really matter that you are "stuck" at the same point from two years ago? Obviously you are not and are progressing otherwise you wouldn't have recognized that there you are still there. So many times the past comes creeping back on me, I cringe, and its a reminder of where I don't want to go again. The serenity prayer is a good one for me for when I feel out of control. But also letting those past feelings wash over me and accept them and use them as anti-triggers. I think you do "got this" and like Betty said if we all keep working one day at a time will be our reality. Hugs.
(((Crau))) - I think we all 'go there'....I know for me that my thoughts can be my own worse enemy. What really helps me is the serenity prayer, asset lists and gratitude lists. Each time I feel stuck, I rework the steps as this brings me more to see/change within me.
I always am able to come back to my core belief - my HP (God) truly wants me to be happy, joyous and free. He doesn't want me to be a hostage of the past nor does he want me to fear the future. He's got a grand plan that I don't have insight about, and I need to be the best version of me today only and all will be OK. When I am living a spiritual life, I am more centered. When I am left or right of center, I tend to go back to the basics in this program.
Lastly, it always brings me a bit of peace to consider what's working well and/or has improved in my life/being vs. what's not working so well or needs improvement. We are all works in progress and no amount of wishing or wanting will take me to perfection. We are perfectly imperfect and that's exactly as designed...
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
