I feel for you. I've been there many times and am there again. 3 kids no support from my husband at all. And the lies. I've actually thought I should have myself commited because I felt so crazy trying so hard to make a crazy situation be "normal". I am doing things differently this time with the help of this program and time.The last time we were seperated I wasn't ready to give up or move forward.I am now because I feel ok with my decisions.It's still really hard though to not be sucked into his world of goofey. If I would say "wow what a pretty blue sky" he'd say "its not blue it's green trust me I know" and I would question everything I know. good luck and lots of love. I'll say a prayer for us all.

My first A, that I was married to was in the army as special forces.  He then was a police officer for 12 years.  He had an interigating (spelling) way of making me think what I saw or heard wasn't real at all.  I could tell him the grass was pink and he would tell me it was pink and at some point he would drive me to enough sanity to believe the grass is actually pink, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

When we seperated.  We talked on the phone from time to time.  I had a boss that was a little creepy.  My house kept getting broken into.  Nothing missing or messed up....Just things out of place.  Little things, just to let me know someone was in the house.  I have never in my life tied a knot on a sandwich bag....one day I came home and it was.  It would be little things like that, that I would never do.  Always, the door leading to the garage would be "a jar" open.  But the ouside garage doors would be locked and deadbolted.

Mind you I lived with an officer.  So, my home was more than secure.  I would call the sheriffs dept, and they thought I was crazy ever time without fail.  I would call him and tell him about all the strange things happening.  He had convinced me it was my boss.  My boss had gotten into my purse or something and had a key....something to that effect.

So, I changed the locks once again.  Still happening.  I came home one night and saw the garage light on from the driveway.  Didn't think a whole lot at the time other than I didn't think I had left it on.  I walked into the front enrty way and heard a noise....then, I knew I didn't leave it on.  I made my children stay where they at and went to the inside garage door and it was "a jar".  I was reaching for the door knob when I realized the light was now off and I was still in the house with who ever it was.  I grabbed my kids and ran as fast as I could to the neighbors.  I lived in the country...it wasn't a quick run. 

I called the police again.....this time he had done some damage to that inside door.  I finally got a deputy with enough training to know, I was being big time brain washed.  It took a lot of convincing on his part to tell me I was not crazy.  The damage to the inside door was meant to deter me from where ever it was he was actually getting in at.  To this day I haven't a clue.  A few days later, the baby sitter comes home to my house unexpectaly and caught my former hubby red handed.

Point is, I have been laughing the entire time I have been typing this.  Yes, it was scray then, yes, I got an ulcer over it.  I am laughing at it because, I fell into his trap without fail each and everytime.  I wasn't playing with a puppy, I was playing with a big dog.

Since, I have came to Alanon.....I recognize my old behaviors....when confronted with someone turning my words on me and making me crazy...the moment it happens, I shut it down in that instance and if I can't I turn and walk quickly away.  I always turn a deaf ear to munipulation.  I have to do that for my sanity and serenity.

Ziggy

This is From: The Dilema  of the Alcoholic Marriage. How the 12 steps apply to marriage problems.  An Alanon Family Groups Book.  

"  A Final Thought   "

" Our search should not be so much for a solution to a problem, or a way out of our difficulty, no matter how pressing. The search must be for inspiration, for insight, and one cannot know what he will do with an insight until he gets one.   Part of the necessary conditon is to set aside ones own problems and needs, even the urgent and painful ones, and be prepared to receive and act upon the new insight.  It may seem to have little relevance to our problem or need, but it may, indeed, point to the new way in which our effort must be directed while we continue to bear our old burdens.  "

by Robert K Greenleaf

This has helped me,  helps me when I need to be reminded.. that my inner self is changed ..is changing. (always changing)  For the good of my Self. My health. My disposition.  To change for the better of myself  ((within me))...is a better way of life. And that is important.   To me. 

  So Glad Your Here!