The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
as most of you here know that I've recently had 2 of my live in qualifiers leave my home permanantly ,it's been going on 3 mths since the traumatizeing event happened thought it had ended there ,guess not,I've recently blocked both which its breaking my heart into peices cause one is my closest sister,getting on with the story I've had a Freind call me and text me about the crap they been putting on their Facebook against me ruining me my reputation so Ibe blocked both sister and xabf, ive removed their enabler ,which was me.......thanks for letting me vent this it's been on my chest,feels good to be able to vent,I'm going into my 5th step so I'll be able to add this to my resentment list.....hugs lu
Hey LU - sorry that there is some reacting out of others. When I put boundaries in place, my qualifiers rebelled - some more than others. I was so grateful that others in the program kept reminding me that's about them and not about me. I understand the resentment - my prayer for you is that you can let it go and just let God take the pain away!
I believe there are many folks, alcoholics and not, who thrive on drama/chaos. I know it was much more appealing to me before I began a spiritual personal journey of recovery. I now am truly disappointed in myself when I talk about others - even to my sponsor. Anytime I vent with her, I am required to share why I'm talking about them, what are my feelings about it and how did I use my tools? She's really, really pushed me to focus on the solution as she believe that's the best way of letting go of old behaviors and realizing that my truth is rarely the same as anybody else's truth.
Keep working it girl - it looks good on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH and Betty for your esh and wisdom,your very inspiring to me ,guess somethings just jump up at me like the posting crap about me on their fb,I feel like a child having a tantrum is the worst part I guess just not really knowing how to deal with such ,how folks have to blow our candle out so theirs can shine .anyway that's an old saying....hugs lu......so happy I'm part of here and I'm a grateful alanoner today..we and our qualifiers are fighting this desease .and it's a huge one .
I can relate. I posted something similar a few days ago.
It is so hard to look the other way and ignore it. I can really sympathize there.
I haven't logged on to FB in a few days. My mom (qualifier) actually called me at work today about my "disappearance" from Facebook. I simply told her I haven't signed on. Didn't tell her why, didn't elaborate. Just stated a fact.
She posts passive aggressive quotes and statuses sometimes hourly - directed towards me.
And yes, people flock to them to ask her what's wrong. Does she need a hug etc. Lots of people there to feed her narcissism. Not me though - and she can't stand it.
We can't do anything about it. I'm still working on accepting what is. Those who love us will seek us out. Those who are willing to believe that we are harmful & hurting our qualifiers, maybe best not to focus on them & focus on our own needs.
This is such a frustrating thing to stand by and let happen. You want to stand up and yell out "THIS IS WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!! Everybody listen to my side!!"
But in the end, that will only fuel the fight and drag you down with them. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
