The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Do all alcoholic families have members who think they have powers to change and manipulate other people's reality or is this sickness of abilities just in my family?
I was like this, and I'm working on not being like that anymore.
I believed that I could ask my mom to stop hurting herself, she won't.
I believed that I could talk some sense into my dad and have them send my brother to rehab. He won't.
It's a slow process, but for some, it's really hard to understand the alcoholic who has no desire to change. I know now that they are sick, and it is out of my control.
But yes, for a long time I really did believe that I had the power to change them.
Snippetvilla - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Alcoholism is classified as a disease and is considered a family disease. So - many families have been affected by the disease and each person is affected differently. AA is for one who wants to recover from the disease, and Al-Anon is for family members and friends affected by the disease.
Many characteristics of both do align. We focus on ourselves in Al-Anon and most arrive hurt, sad, broken, scared, angry and overwhelmed. We have three C(s) that are often shared at the first meeting - we did not Cause it, we can not Control it and we can not Cure it. Those 3 elements do suggest to answer what you asked - many of us have done more than we ever should trying to fix, control, mother, monitor, manipulate, etc. to fix our qualifier. We come to understand in Al-Anon that no matter how smart, talented, etc. that we are, we can not change or fix another person.
We work on ourselves, and learn how to heal and deal with the disease. We work the steps of this program to understand our patterns and what about us contributes to the chaos and insanity. Lastly, we work on us to be the best version of us we can be to overcome to affects of the disease. I encourage you to seek out local meetings and attend if you've been affected by the drinking of another - you will find amazing equals who will share their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) with you and listen without advice and judgement. Truly a miracle program for those affected by the disease.
Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
