The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AlAnon is not rule driven, to the surprise of many newcomers. For some of us, rules were a mainstay before we arrived, imposed upon us or by us.
Strict rules and rule enforcers would not allow the very thing that makes the program, and our recovery, so much better: freedom to move in the way that is best for us as individuals, at the guidance of our own higher power, and that expressed by our group conscience.
No one gets to be the Big Chief, instead we all observe suggestions inspired by the Traditions. A higher power is over us all, working through us all.
"Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve". Tradition Nine
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I am a big fan of AlAnon's spiritual and leadership structure, built on tradition and suggestion rather than rules and enforcement. By allowing individual freedom to work at the pace, step/subject, and with the higher power of choice, there is incredible versatility to the program. It truly can work for anyone from any background who wants to regain sanity after fighting the disease on their own.
AlAnon is a place where I am learning how to treat others, starting with my qualifier, with the respect and compassion they deserve. I am reminded that I do not know what is best for myself or others and am working on leaving those decisions up to our higher power(s). I am learning to work AlAnon: leave others to their decisions while I focus on mine.
Focusing on spiritual traditions and guidance has left me with so much more peace than my old life. I am so grateful that I am now much less likely to try to enforce a set of rules that I invented upon others, thinking I know what is best. I am grateful that the guidance of AlAnon is helping me to turn my life and will over to a higher power
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning Paul (and all)! Thank you for your service, the daily and your ESH. Before recovery, I was a rule maker, follower and had very black/white thinking. I was one who would research and analyze and assume that statistics and facts ruled the world. In recovery, I've learned that what I thought I knew was 'bumpkus' and my best course of action each day to preserve my serenity is having an open mind and trusting my HP to show me the way.
I readily admit that when others are in pain or struggling, my first thoughts is still to fix them/it and relieve the pain. This comes from a place of goodness in me. What the program has shown me is that being of service doesn't mean fixing, controlling, advising, counseling, etc. Instead it means that when I see/hear of another's pain, no matter the cause, I can pause and pray for God's will and the power to carry that out.
I too am a huge fan of Al-Anon's spiritual and leadership structure. I love that the program tells us to recover at our own pace. I now know that I am thick-headed and it took me a long while to digest and understand that change begins with me. I had been outwardly focused for so very long, it was a necessary and intentional effort to turn that focus inwards. I am grateful to know now that when I am uncomfortable, the issue is within me - and has nothing to do with what others are doing, saying or not...
I am grateful I no longer have to judge, discuss, blame or focus on my qualifier. When I am offended by what they say/do, I can turn inward, and with help from my HP search for what in me is lacking in that moment and take action that returns me to serenity/sanity. What a lovely gift that I get to define my HP, work my own program and learn from others with a similar goal but a different set of circumstances.
Today's a great read and a lovely reminder for me of how it works. Happy Monday to you and all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Dear Paul,
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this important reading. Being part of an organization that really lives by their Spiritual principles is a unique experience.
The absence of rules at alanon meetings was my first indication that alanon really understood the disease of alcoholism. That by living with the disease many develop black and white thanking and attempt to live by unreasonable rules in order to feel safe in an unsafe environment. By the absence of rules Alanon reinforces the concept that we believe that a Higher Power is in control so that we each can be encouraged to let go of faulty beliefs so we can listen to learn with an open mind..
The Traditions are a great form of guidance for alanon structure and I have brought them out into my interactions with the business world. I believe that the Steps help in my personal life and the traditions are great guide lines for group interactions, regardless of the group..
Thank you for your share Paul. I have certainly been a rule keeper, watcher my whole life which gave me a false sense of security of all being well and being in charge of everything. I too am guilty of trying to fix, control and advise others who are in pain but with the help of the Al anon program I am learning and accepting that isn't my purpose here on this earth. Everyone has their own path and hp. When I work to focus on my own life, my own path then I am able to allow hp to work in my life.
Al-anon has been such a "growing up" experience for me and a huge part of that has been putting down the weapons because no-one is trying to enforce anything upon me and instead picking up tools to create what I want to create. Like most people I do not accept being told what to do by anyone, but because of the self-paced and rule-free environment al-anon creates, I know that if someone tries to rule me or "should" me, I can politely listen or not, and calmly go about my business; I don't need to take up arms.
I love these aspects, and the safe space this program provides for practicing adulting without rules or expertsplacing expectations on me.
Thanks for your service Paul
So humbling, this program...so many before me who have been through so much more than I have. Miss M, I too, have had more "growing up" in this program than I learned in all of my former life dominated by rules and enforcement. This is a safe place to learn life values that some of us, I, did not learn in our home families.
Those posting above me deserve the credit, for they were there before me, helping, directing to the program, sharing their experience, strength, and hope (ESP) with those looking for peace and serenity. I continue to work hard every day to keep the focus on me, to make my life better by focusing on my own actions and thoughts, and seeking direction from my own, personal, higher power...
I am grateful today, for I have so much more than I did when I arrived...thank you
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
