My Name is Jackie, and I just started using Al-Anon a few months ago.

My first serious boyfriend was an alcoholic and PTSD. He was in the Marines and had toured twice to other countries and seen some pretty horrific things. WHen he came home, he used drinking as a coping mechanism. Unknown to how serious the situation was, I fell in love with him. As time went on he would get very angry with him, put his hands on me, couldnt have just "one",  and he was very dangerous. Being my first real boyfriend and me being incredibly attached, all I tried to do was "fix" him. THINGS LIKE: monitor his drinking, tell him to "calm down", limit his from doing things. IN the end, he would just do them anyway, because he knew I would stay. I knew he loved me, so why should I leave? I was also very young and naive but AGAIN- That is me justifying the behavior. He ended up going to treatment and when he came home sober we got engaged. OF course that didnt last long. One day I left and it was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. HE is still a severe drinker.

A few years later to present,  I begin dating my long time friend. We have always had a connection and seeing how we have already cared for each other for so long, it is easy to get attached. We've been dating for over a year even though it seems like a lifetime. HE recently told me he has a drug addition. Not knowing how serious the addiction was- nor understanding how to handle things like that- I trusted that he was okay and was handling it. Of course, things progressed- he got worse and ended up in jail. Before Al-Anon and a lot of reading and other counseling- I thought this was all my fault. I knew he had a problem and I did nothing to help him-I shouldve said something- etc. I also, tried monitoring him, holding his prescriptions, giving him chance after chance because he promised he'd get better. I tried EVERYTHING to make sure my best friend was okay. After being in jail, he realized his problem, and he has now been in rehab for 46 days and is coming home this week! I am so proud of him so far but we are taking everything day by day. 

I now understand that I cannot CONTROL his actions. I can only control MY OWN. None of this is our faults. I repeat this to myself EVERY DAY. I have had a lot of time to reflect and I know that I attach myself to people. Even though that doesnt change the way I feel about my best friend, I now am conscious about knowing when to detach myself from the situation. When he comes home, we had certain conditions for awhile and he will be doing an Out Patient Program along the way. I want other to understand that I had been co-dependent for a LONG time and I am glad that I realized it because now I can work on myself. 

ANYONE who needs help with this can come to me. Thank you all for listening! Bless Up!