The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays c2c suggests that forgiveness is "the most loving form of detachment".
It goes on the explain that forgiveness is not about declaring a person "not guilty", or wiping their slate clean, but that it is rather an exercise in cutting the cords that bind us to the pain caused by the event.
We don't have to tolerate unacceptable behaviour but if we are filled with resentment, fear, self pity, etc then we are gaining nothing and worse, we don't leave room for growth or guidance from within or from our HP. We can instead choose to take action if appropriate or turn the problem over to our HP and free ourselves from resentment.
The reading suggests that when we tie a "noose of resentment" around someone else's neck, we end up choking ourselves.
"A part of me want's to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more i forgive, the better my life works" (In All Our Affairs)
***
People often ask what 'loving detachment" is and I don't know that I've ever thought too deeply on it myself. After reading this it occurs to me that it's about being loving to self and detaching from negative emotions as much as it is about detaching from another person.
I really like the imagery in this reading and the fact that it offers such a good example of loving detachment; cutting the cords of resentment that keep us tied to an unhappy experience. I have in fact been mired in resentment an agonising over a negative exchange I had yesterday; it kept me awake last night and I have been tired, cranky and obsessed all day today as well. As usual, just at the right time, c2c has provided me with an awesome practical tool to use (I'm quite sure it's a magical book, lol).
-- Edited by MissM on Saturday 15th of October 2016 03:17:44 AM
Thanks for sharing! I have been working on detachment, which, according to my qualifier I have not gotten right yet, because I am emotionally cold when I am practicing detachment. I really like the thought of detaching from the emotional pain, rather than from the person. I'm going to keep a mental pair of scissors handy so I can cut the cords of resentment as they appear today.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
This is a powerful page which I have tried mightily to practice when I first read it, Recovery is surely a process and slowly but surely by working the Steps and sharing at meetings, I was given the ability to let go of the pain and anger associated with major events and still feel love for the person. I remember clearly how this developed and consider it my first Spiritual experience.
I was in terrible emotional pain and had tried everything- church, counseling, shopping(:)) but the pain remained . Before I fell asleep one evening, I called out to HP :"If you exist, help me remove this pain"!! I fell asleep and when I woke the pain was gone. I searched all around my inner being-- poking and prodding at events that once caused great tears and nothing-- I felt serene. I thanked HP and to this day I always remember to ask for help when dealing with issues. It works
Thank you for sharing this page and ESH, MissM, this is a powerful page. For me, it speaks to the power of AlAnon, and how it works for us by taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions.
It doesn't get any more direct than reminding me that "wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation", and when I am consumed with negative thoughts about someone else "I have lost my focus". And as you pointed out, resentment towards another is only harming me.
I have to make a choice: putrefying resentment, or purifying forgiveness...Grateful for the program, your service, and this beautiful day
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Betty, I really appreciate your share on this. I, too, have found that when I have reached the absolute end of my rope, if I call out to HP, my pain is released. Personally, I wish I could do it a lot earlier along the rope and am trying. Your reminder is that this is a spiritual program and that's really the key to finding serenity. Thank you for this and for all the service you do on this site.
E.I.M. I agree Alanon is a spiritual program and the more I develop my spiritual life and the spiritual connection with HP my life improves,
I enjoy giving service here on the MIP Board as I feel is is a large family and are a fellowship of equals. It is a gift to watch everyone grow. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience as well.
