The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have put a lot of work into improving my sleep and it has brought me a lot more sanity during the day. It has taken a big overhall. I've decreased my caffeine intake, Set an earlier bedtime, had to work on how to get back to sleep when I woke up in a panic about one thing or another. But in the past two weeks when my sleep has been at it's best I have had some really intense nightmares. All the nightmares involve something terrible happening and me having no control over it. That is the theme. So this is really showing me that I have a lot of fear/anxiety inside me. And night time when I am still and silent is when it all comes up for me. I quite often wake up panicking about something or worrying about something. Lately I have been asking God to take it for me so I can rest and handing it over to him and that helps me get back to sleep. These nightmares have been disturbing and I had them at times before but not as frequently. In the past they would have kept me up for the rest of the night. One thing my mom taught me when I was little and I had a nightmare was to try to go back into it and change the outcome. And I can actually do that often so I've been trying to change the story in my head. Make it a positive outcome instead. It's sort of like changing the story I tell myself. I sure hope that these nightmares die down a bit because they are vivid and frightening. I guess I have some fear to work through. Maybe my resistance to sleep was my resistance to face and deal with my fear. Hmmmmmmm that makes a lot of sense. Last night I had such an intense nightmare that I woke up and thought it had happened. And then slowly I was able to tell myself that it didn't happen. It wasn't real and that I was ok. I was able to drift back off to sleep again but it was a fitful sleep. In the past I would have just gotten up at 4am and watched TV until the day started. But since I'm taking better care of myself then I need to learn how to comfort myself and help myself get back to sleep. So one day at a time I am dealing with my sleep. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this? I would be interested in hearing your ESH.
Isn't is awful how our dis-ease, the enemy, is constantly laying low..and attacking us?!!
Your post reminds me that life is going to be a series of constant surrender. We don't just Let go and let God once or twice... it is constant. it's this moment and then the next, it's tomorrow and the next day... This is going to be my life.
I relate to the nightmares but I learned to stop taking them seriously. They are merely signifying my state of consciousness, and I was full of fear. Fear is the enemy and the opposite of faith. The solution that worked for me was an ever deepening meditation practice... communing with God. I do it first thing in the morning and right before bedtime and if I miss the bedtime meditation for whatever reason, I will not sleep as deeply.
I've also made fear inventories... listing everything I was afraid of, one was 3 pages long. Then I was asked, "why are you so afraid?? is it because you are relying on yourself? ... or God??"
Sleep well, my friend, you can never fall out of the everlasting arms. Never.
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 13th of October 2016 11:12:08 AM
KT2015 - I had horrible nightmares when I first got sober....they were night terrors and brought me awake in a state of panic. I had to ride them out, while using the program to write about them, talk about them and pray about them. One thing I did was deep breathing and a recall that I was in my bed during the night and that made the dreams unreal (rarely did I wake up dreaming about a crisis in my own bed...) - so just calm processing to try and bring me to reality. Getting back to sleep has never been an easy task for me once I have woken up. I will say the best tool I got to sleep or to return to sleep is the Big Book and/or How Al-Anon Works...they put me to sleep in no time when I am horizontal.
This too shall pass - keep trusting God and the process!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you both for your responses. I really appreciate them. H2P I really like the idea of meditation before bed. I think I will try that too and see if it helps. Iamhere I will try the How Alanon works book to put me back to sleep lol. I know this is just a moment in time. Another lesson for me to learn from and I intend to ride it out and learn from it. The positive is it has alerted me to how much fear I carry inside me that I have to find a way to let go of. That is a big positive. Big hugs to you both!
Hi KT -- I had always been a great sleeper -- I was a "straight 8-er" I'd sleep for 8 hours straight whenever/wherever my head hit the pillow. In the last six months of my relationship with now-ex abf, I woke up nearly every night at around 3:00 AM with disturbing dreams or anxiety. I wouldn't say nightmares, but upsetting dreams and sometimes just very vivid dreams that I think were my brain trying to process all the emotions and intel that I was stuffing and not facing. I downloaded a bunch of hypnosis tapes and would listen to them at night and they helped a bit. Since the break-up where I told him the things that had been troubling me but that I'd been too scared to discuss with him, I've been sleeping really well again. No more upsetting dreams, no more early morning wake ups full of dread. I also used to rush to my cellphone each morning to see if he'd emailed or called me and I don't do that anymore and that has also increased my peace a lot. Good luck to you -- sleep is so precious and healing.
