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Well my ah who has relapsed a couple of times is moving out. Me- don't know what to do bc he just can't seem to stay sober and won't let things go and doesn't keep his promises to attend aa meetings or blah, blah...Him- wants to be sober but can't figure out what is wrong to not stay in recovery, and didn't want to hurt me and his daughter anymore. So we r not fighting.. Actually we calmly decided this was the best course. I told him I'm done yelling and being mad/hurt/confused but I can't live with someone who can't figure out how to stay sober. The plan is he is going to buy a cheap house and he says he wants to prove to me that he can stay sober and work his program and get himself together and then we will have an investment property when he comes home. Me- it is an easier band aid to peel then just ripping one off and saying good bye. It seems so surreal.. I think I have been subconsciously preparing for it. I turned half the basement into an apt. I am going to start renting it out to help with the mortgage and he is going to rent out rooms in the house he is buying.. Why does this seem so weird? There's no way he can stay if he can't stay sober we both know that but wow I just can't believe all of this. We are meeting with our therapist to discuss everything tomorrow. Do I think he'll come back? Probably not but I am coming to terms with it in between panic and anxiety attacks from built up codependency issues. But I just keep reminding myself it will be ok, breathe... At least we can be civil about this.
(((HelpAngel))) - sending you prayers and positive thoughts. One day at a time or one moment at a time. You are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Stay strong and this is a very hard thing to go through. Only HP knows what is in store for you and your husband. Maybe being away and having him really face the situation and how the cards have fallen will make him realize what he has given up for alcohol. No one knows what their bottom is but it is possible. Sending you many positive thoughts and prayers.
Thanks.. Sign...it is getting real. He is putting in a contract on a house... I can do this, I can do this... I keep wondering if the therapist tonight will talk him out of it and possibility talk me out of him moving out... Why is this so hard??
Thanks.. Sign...it is getting real. He is putting in a contract on a house... I can do this, I can do this... I keep wondering if the therapist tonight will talk him out of it and possibility talk me out of him moving out... Why is this so hard??
Hello Helpangel
My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how you feel. I hope that you have family and friends that you can support you through this, and there is always this forum, which I find myself coming back to more, and more often. You can do it!
Thanks.. Sign...it is getting real. He is putting in a contract on a house... I can do this, I can do this... I keep wondering if the therapist tonight will talk him out of it and possibility talk me out of him moving out... Why is this so hard??
If your therapist talks you out of making a healthy break and putting some distance between you while you both work on yourselves, you need a new therapist.
My last relationship was with a "recovered" alcoholic. He did not drink any longer but his behavior was still very toxic.
The best thing you can do for you and your daughter is create a safe home environment while you come to your own realizations, whatever they may be.
Wishing you an abundance of strength during this time.
