The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to take a moment and share what I thought was a hint of progress on my part..
One of my AH's complaints is that I am always getting involved in his recovery. I discovered that really what was happening is that he was pulling me into his hula hoop to handle some portion of his chaos and to get me back out so he could carry on with his disease would use that phrase. Making me out to be the bad guy. I have had a long standing issue with what I thought was my shoulder back and forth to see the ortho, injections, various rubs etc. I recently discovered it was not my shoulder but my neck from years of working as a nurse on the floor pushing and pulling etc. My AH accompanied me on the appointment when this diagnosis was given and the treatment plan was discussed. The ortho stated that until the treatment could begin while waiting for insurance approval to do anything that caused me comfort and went on to say the various linaments I had been using probably are not doing any good but to continue if I felt I wanted. My AH hates the smell and "jokes" our bedroom smells like a nursing ward. Last night as I was in getting in bed and soothing my shoulder with my favorite..Mineral Ice my AH said you know the Dr said there is no benefit from that and I politely turned to him and said "Please stay out of my recovery" LOL The look on his face was priceless.
Secondly polysubstance abusing son came to me last night asking me for money to buy a car. He doesn't have his license restored yet. I said no. He through a tantrum and put the guilt trip on me that I sold the last car that was to be his and I owed this to him. I calmly explained that I sold that car because he went to jail and I knew that he would not be driving it. I had every right to sell that car, it was mine. I asked him how he expected to register and title this car as he has no license. In order to register a vehicle in NJ you have to show proof of insurance, you cannot get insurance without a drivers license. He actually wanted me to insure it and register that. I said No. I followed that with I would love to be able to say yes, but I already said yes once, and you are still using. Come back to me when you are clean for a while and I will see what I can do.
Great share Suzann - love the growth! What matters the most is that you 'see' how the tools can help with real life issues/applications. I applaud you and your recovery. Good luck with your shoulder health! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks so much. Taking a step back and being allowed to focus on myself, what I want, and what my reaction is going to be has been huge. I need to continue working on my getting annoyed so easily. One day at a time.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 12th of October 2016 08:39:26 AM
Thank you. Son and I had a talk today and although I know I disappointed him and probably hurt his feelings a little but I did what I thought was best. He asked if he could move back home. I said I would love that but at 24 he has a set of values that do not mesh with mine and he cant seem to live by my standards. He said not even if I paid rent? I said truthfully I am your mother and I cannot give you the tough love that you need. You want to use drugs and are not yet ready to change. You are well past the age where I can intervene. I love you with all my heart but if you decide to get clean you have a place here. I was shaking inside because that is the most honest I have ever been with him. As he left all I could see was my little boy. It broke my heart.
(((Suzann))) - good for you that you were able to speak your truth. I totally understand and relate to the shaking on the inside. You are not alone - keep coming back!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
