The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page shows the value of flexibility in our concepts of recovery and happiness, as becoming attached to how things "should" be creates more work for us and can delay our journey.
The author first thought a fairytale relationship would be possible if only their mate was sober. Then, after finding AlAnon, realized that her recovery alone was not enough to hold the relationship together.
She was able to find happiness within herself with the aid of the program and became quite used to that life. After her husband found recovery and they reunited, however, her model of how happiness worked had change once again to accommodate another person and his recovery and relationship needs.
Today reminds us that a rigid belief in how things "should" be in our recovery can lead us to a lot of 'unlearning' as we have to adjust to life on life's terms.
"The Twelve Steps of our program have led me to a faith in God today which is based on an acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize over how the world should be." ~ As We Understood...
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I came to AlAnon a very rigid, rules based person, and I made the rules. That approach rarely worked, but I found a measure of comfort in following them nonetheless. That approach failed absolutely in recovery, both mine and my qualifier's.
By trusting in my higher power for direction rather than my poor senses, and letting others follow their own path and higher power, I have experienced so much more peace in my life. This despite the fact that many outcomes were not as I expected or planned.
Accepting that I do not know how things 'should' go has been a lesson learned from AlAnon and a blessing for which I am very grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi Paul Thanks for the topic. Learning how to be flexible and show up with an open mind to listen and learn were terrific gifts of this program. Living by "Principles" and not hard and fast rules allowed me to be able to learn from experiences. Have a lovely day .
Thanks Paul for the daily, your ESH and your service. I too came with a rigid set of rules and a rigid sense of justice. In my mind, with the best of intentions, I truly tried to control others and manipulate them into conformance. It was exhausting, unsuccessful and insane at best. It was destructive for myself and others too. The program asks us to just stay in the present day and have faith that what is is what is supposed to be. That was uncomfortable and foreign to me in the beginning, uncomfortably so...
However, practicing the suggestions and keeping an open mind gave me enough relief to continue. With continued practice and working the steps, more relief. Finally, I did get to the point where I truly trusted that I would be OK no matter what was going on around me. I am even able to 'go there' in the midst of chaos and uncertainty because this program gives me the tools and support to do so, over and over again.
I am grateful that my faith has been restored and my ego has been normalized. I am grateful that those who came before me understood that half measures just don't work. I am grateful for a good sponsor who leads me when I am willing to follow and of course, always grateful for those here at MIP that are working a program and walking this journey with me!
Make it a great Wednesday to all - dinner at my home tonight and meeting at the lunch hour! Of course, I'm cleaning in anticipation of the evening and planning what sounds good for dinner. We've got cooler temperatures here - might be a good night for soup!!! (((Hugs))) to one and all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
