The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's Hope for Today page has a tool that I have found to be extremely useful: using Step 1 backwards. It goes like this: I don't always correctly identify things I am powerless over or should not be trying to control. I do know, however, when I am feeling that things are unmanageable. When I am feeling extremely tense, fearful about the future/regretful of the past, angry, impatient or frustrated, it tells me that I am trying to control something over which I am powerless. It works every time...
The degree to which we accept that we are powerless and turn things over is the degree that we will experience serenity. We can fight it, but this is how it works. We don't need to make it more difficult, but sometimes we do.
Thought for the Day: Our pain comes not from acceptance and surrender, but from resistance to it. "I can hold onto my will until the situation becomes so painful that I am forced to submit, or I can put my energy where it can do me some good right now, and surrender to my Higher Power's care." ~ C2C p. 269
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This works really well for me; it's my canary in the goldmine tool: it's simple, but effective. Whenever I find myself with increasing anxiety, frustration, or anger, if I look over my endeavors I will find at least one where I am trying to influence something that is outside of my circle of what I can control. I let go, the feeling of unmanageability is replaced with peace and serenity.
Sometimes, it's the simplest things that work best. For me, this is true in this case. Step 1 is Serenity's gatekeeper, and there is no shortcut. So grateful for the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
A powerful reminder of how to handle the "unmanageable" feeling, and one I certainly benefited from today.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Hi Paul thanks for tis powerful reminder. Love your statement that "Step One is a serenity gatekeeper". I guess i had trouble in the beginning seeing and accepting all the simple and complex things that i was truly powerless over. Powerlessness equals serenity-- How true!! (Only when i stop fighting reality).
The Steps were my blueprint to freedom. Thanks for your service and Skorpi , thanks for sharing your wisdom as well. Enjoy the day
Thank you Paul for your ESH, your service and the daily...It took me time and practice to realize that when I am irritable, restless, discontent, anxious or other - the issue is within me....My go-to for so, so long was to look outside myself for the issue and the answers. The program and the tools we've been given work so well when we use them. I agree that powerlessness is not always the first thought I have but I can certainly tune in when things feel unmanageable.
I had a busy weekend and it's raining a bit in our world. I am physically tired, and grateful for a day of 'nothingness'....Love that thought for theday!!
Good to see you Skorpi!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hotrod, I still have a lifetime left in my journey of determining my 'shoulds' and 'should nots', but the program has cut it down from several lifetimes if I listen to what it shows me. I am often surprised at my stubbornness
After the week and weekend you had, IAH, this was certainly a well deserved 'nothing' day...I hope it was completely unleveraged and tax free!
Great to hear, El, thank you for sharing your part in this journey
So many great pages, this is one of my favorites....thank you all for sharing how it works for you...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
The part of this page that I relate to the most is in the Thought for the Day: "I can hold onto my will until the situation becomes so painful that I am forced to submit, or I can put my energy where it can do me some good right now, and surrender to my Higher Power's care."
When my life has become utterly unmanageable, I have prayed with sincerity and ask for God to take over. I am trying, one day at a time, to turn things over to HP before they get unmanageable. This is my own issue with control at play. So today, with the help of al-anon tools, I am trying to turn easier situations over to God - this means admitting I'm not in charge of the universe (like the passenger in today's C2C reading who hangs on to the dashboard when another driving is making him nervous), and that's hard for me. But I am working it, and making progress.
As today is ending and I reflect, this was exact message I needed to hear.
"When I am feeling extremely tense, fearful about the future/regretful of the past, angry, impatient or frustrated, it tells me that I am trying to control something over which I am powerless."
This was me today. I was tense and anxious all night, tears and remembering I can only control what I can control allowed me get past it. Reading this allowed me to reflect why I felt the way I did.
for me I write this after a hard day up on the mountain... very tired, but satisfied. I know I will have to pick the book up in the morning when my mind is fresh- it seems that there is some truth there, which has so far eluded me.
The phrase that stuck out for me was about 'getting my own way'. This phrase I heard a lot on my family from my mum. Sometimes she was training and moulding my life, and sometimes she was putting barriers in front of me.
I know now that times have changed. One of the big restrictions was to keep kids in line, so they would reflect well on the family. There is a certain amount of merit in this- but I no longer do stuff, or not do stuff merely to please imaginary other people.
I don't entirely have my own way either... I weigh things up today. Use the serenity prayer...
Great reminder for me today. I have been agitated and upset and "projecting" over a lot of red-tape type stuff that I cannot influence or change no matter how much I worry at it! Reading this reminded me that the frustration and distress is basically because I have absolutely no power over the situation at all. So I gave it to HP and helpful results appeared almost instantly. Magic.
David I so relate to your share and often find myself trying to please imaginary people for the same reasons!!
Great share and daily ,I've never really thought about the simple things that I try to control I do recite the serenity prayer every day several times a day it does help,this is very helpful to me and made me reavailuate my thinking,thank you egnamatic! And thanks to all the great esh here.........hugs lu
