The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my BF has been at rehab in Florida, he called me tonight and said someone asked him if I was going to come down for family week, where they integrate us etc into their treatment I guess, etc. He told me, ever since someone put the idea in his head, he was "all for it" as far as me coming down. I said of course I would, but I don't want to do anything that wouod hinder your progress, and do you really want me to be there? He answered me, "I think you deserve this, and maybe I do too"...that confused me, I'm not sure what he meant, by deserve this. He is very nervous about coming out and re entering the "real world", and he said "I have no idea what I will be like, and how different I will be. I'm not making any promises" which I also am not sure what he meant by. He asked me to call his therapist, and speak to him about coming down there. My thing is, I know this is about him, etc, not me, or our relationship..but I'm not sure I want to devote even more of myself to him by spending a few days down there, confronting each other in group, which is what he said will happen...and do all of this, just to have him decide he needs to leave me when he's out...which is a fear. Does anyone have any insight on this? Thank you!
Sister to some degree or another we all have insight and what is of more value is our personal experiences with it. For me My alcoholic/addict has just as little workable insight as I did. Recovery was new and we were called "newbies" I've attended rehabs both as a visitor and as a therapist after I became a therapist in a large rehab. at first I knew nothing and over time a whole lot...that is how things works we "come to" in time. For me the suggestion of talking to this therapist first is a good one because that person has a lot of information and experience and from listening you can make a good decision for yourself rather than guess at the wrong one for the wrong reason. Do you trust your decision making skills? Do you have a friend or relative in Al-Anon you can trust to talk to? Do you have an idea how our program works and means.
Get the steps and read them slowly, get an understanding of the words powerless and sanity and self will. We are here to help...keep coming back. (((hugs)))
I learnt in Al-anon that thankfully in don't have to try and make sense of the riddles that A's disease makes them think in. I step back and keep doing the next right thing to take care of myself.
My ESH is to do what is best for you. Build a life that you want.
Each time I was invited to participate in the family sessions, I did do so. Unfortunately, I never found Al-Anon until mine were done with going to treatment centers. I therefore, each time, showed up expecting a Norman Rockwell experience. Needless to say, it was never a positive outcome as I was as crazy as they and did not bother to do anything about it while they were trying to start recovery. Trying to project what it will be like and/or what they will be like never served me well as I was one who hoped the removal of the substance would be enough.
I agree with those above me - gather as much information/facts as you can, understand as much about Al-Anon as you might and then make the best choice for you. Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
