The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my biggest challenges in life is letting go of expectations. A favorite al-anon line is "expectations are pre-meditated resentments" (from one of the daily readers). Today, I recognized a new area of expectations leading to resentment and have the opportunity to let go of (or hang on to) these expectations.
It's in customer service. After my beloved home group meeting tonight, I stopped at the grocery store. The cashier was chatting away with two other co-workers and barely acknowledged my existence. This happens regularly and it always bothers me. When she handed me my receipt without saying thank you, I said "you're welcome" as I often do (not nicely) in this situation.
On the way to my car, I thought about why this scenario annoyed me. It was my expectation. I expect cashiers to give me their attention. Ding, ding, ding! Why? Why do I need the attention of the cashier? Because that's how I expect for them to behave, due to my own training in customer service and what I think are the correct behaviors of people at work. But what weird kind of validation am I seeking in that exchange? Okay, if I was the manager of that store, I'd tell those kids to stop fooling around, get back to work, and remind them that without customers, they're out of a job. But I'm not the manager of that store....
I have expectations of how people in many settings are supposed to behave. If I can let go of these expectations, I'll have a lot more peace. So, with this new revelation will I suddenly become sweet and light in the face of inattentive cashiers? We'll see (I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities to try out this new behavior ).
E I M that is not a unreasonable expectation however you are smart enough to knw what people will and will not fulfill it. My sponsor and the program had tons of feedback for me when I was in your shoe and I just loved the lessons...some of which I followed thru on and others ....nah. It's about choices and consequences and each consequence I get is mine alone to live with. I love our slogan Easy Does it which often keeps me from messing with my own head and the heads of others too. Keep coming back you have the smarts to work program well. Thanks for the share. ((((Hugs))))
Oh....EIM - I can relate to what you are sharing. I love that you are 'seeing' the relationship between what you were taught (value) and what others were taught and ignore or were never taught. I had to come to accept (help from my sponsor) that my values will rarely, if ever, align with another person's values - no matter who they are (siblings even). Working on acceptance for a long while, I came to decide that my own sanity/serenity was worth way more to me than allowing the value differences affect my mood. This program gave me freedom and so many choices that I can decide what to accept, what to ignore, what to respond to and what to walk away from.
Great, great awareness - love the topic, the example and the growth!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I used to LOVE bumping into my fellow al-anons at the grocery store.. the meeting after the meeting
Your post made me think of my own experiences of receiving poor customer service.... I've been more than annoyed in some cases, I've been really angry (which is "resentment" and cue for putting pen to paper to work step 4 inventory, as I was taught by my first sponsor.)
When I do inventory, I always add a column for "what I did" after they did what they did to cause my resentment. And what I learned is; they were treating me poorly......... yet I was paying them.
When I continue to carry a belief that I deserve scraps, scraps is what I'll get. I had to make amends to ME for carrying this belief, it was harming me.
Thanks to Al-anon, I learned that I deserve the Good stuff. My money is like a vote, and I can vote differently, I can spend somewhere else....
Or.....I can speak up. Al-anon taught me to use my voice, instead of walking away angry... nobody knowing about the truth of how this feels because I didn't speak up.... I can let the manager know how I feel, some businesses REALLY want to know. When I'm nice about it, they often try to make amends.
And sometimes I have to use our slogan, "How important is it?" The fact is, some companies do not pay our fellow humans enough to actually cover their bills and people are forced to take these crappy jobs. Sometimes it helps when I put myself in their shoes.
Yea for YOU looking at your part in it... that is what can be changed (((peace)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 6th of October 2016 10:42:18 PM
You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato
Loved reading this; I got SO CROSS today when a cashier ignored me. Now it was reasonable that I spoke up because I don't want to stand there all day while she giggles with her work-mate so I said "Listen, I have to be somewhere so how about I'll take this with me, but I'll come back later when you aren't so busy and I'll pay you then".
I think that was reasonable but what wasn't reasonable was how cross I was for the next 20 minutes or so after she'd huffily taken my money.
Why do I require her or anyone else to behave in a certain way and why do I resent having to speak up to make it happen?
). 
