The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dh and I decided we are going to give the twins a choice: sobriety and they can live here or not living a sober life out there. This will leave them homeless because after nearly 4 years of the stealing, drinking, lying, drugs, puking, etc other family members are done allowing the chaos in their homes as well. I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old to protect. Watching their brothers come home and need to be carried into the house, covered in vomit is no way to live.
I'm tired of feeling scared as the sun goes down because I never know what condition they will come home in. A month ago one of the boys pushed me while under the influence of alcohol and benzos. A week later the other boy attacked his 16 year old brother and then his father/my husband while drunk. Sunday they came home drunk, one had to be carried in a laid out in the living room so we could make sure he stayed on his side.
I feel AWFUL about this, but I feel it's our ONLY option to save the rest if the family. I know they are sick, but I can't think of another option........they have both been to rehab in the last year at different times and both got out and IMMEDIATELY got wasted/high. Sectioning them again would be a waste of everyone's time.
I had to do this too. It was hard, the hardest and im so sorry this is part of your life too, i really empathise. All i can say is it was right for everyone. Your other children are young and are entitled as you are to a safe and serene home. Your boys need to know they dont rule the roost, you do. You get to say what goes on in your home. It was the right thing for my family, my son needed to see action from me, my words had became worthless so i took the decision to have him leave. He had choices, shelters, other family members, his dad etc. He chose to couch surf for a good while. It hurt my heart too but i knew i needed to not accept unacceptable behaviour or i would be forever really. Something had to change for everyones good. Hes grown up a lot since then. He has a job now, a wee family, hes doing well, still drinking but im grateful for the changes.
Dealing with autism and alcoholism is a truly painful reality . My niece's autistic son regularly pushes and shoves them and they have been told to call the police with each incident. Maybe the Autism Society can offer you support. Positive thoughts and prayers.
I think it's OK to waver, you're a human with feelings, you're not a sociopath. It's natural to waver. Love your wavering. It's totally acceptable, it's a symptom of your love and your desire to do what's right :) - being unsure is not permanent.
I think in a situation like this, both choices bring pain. So it comes down to: which pain can you tolerate? The pain of having the twins around, or the pain of taking a stand? You can trust yourself on this one xx
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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I too have had to put my boys out and it is truly hard....I agree that feeling anxious and concerned about the decision is normal. I remember having that debate with myself....a mother should not have to make their child homeless. It's the disease we hate, not the diseased.
Keep coming back and know you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you everyone for your kind and honest responses. I'm sitting here in my bedroom feeling veeerrry anxious. My 16 yo and one of the twins came home after drinking. The 16 year seems "ok" but one twin, not so much. I think hes on some kind of pills, his pupils are crazy-dialated. My husband left on a fishing trip out of state this afternoon. I will call the police if I have to. More worried about ANOTHER crisis for my 13 DD to witness. I haven't given them the choice yet because I felt to vulnerable with dh away and their history of vandalism and violence. They will get their choice on Sunday or Monday when dh is back. I'm on pins and needles waiting for him to get back. I'm hoping he catches his limit tomorrow and they come home lol
Now I guess I have to worry about the 16 year old....?
I can completely understand your concern about your 13 and 16 year old children. They not only are traumatized by the chaos, but the twins are demonstrating behavior which your vulnerable, impressionable, immature teens may begin to see as "normal".
