I am a very grateful member of this fellowship and think I have a pretty good handle on managing the day to day craziness from my exAH.  Unfortunately, he is lashing out at me more viciously than ever this past week.  I use my tools and can weather the harsh words without taking it personally.  I turn him and his suffering over to my HP.  BUT...I have reached the point of exhaustion.  Exhaustion from working so hard to keep in my serenity.  I just want him to stop verbally attacking me.  I have rights.  I have a right to have a peaceful existence!  I do not engage with him.  I do my very best to avoid all interaction with him aside from communication regarding our kids.  

This is not new from him.  I had a Protection From Abuse Order put into place 11 months ago.  He is not allowed to call me, email me directly or be within 150 feet of me unless it has to do with the kids.  Unfortunately, he is cunning and always finds a way to weave a comment about the kids into his vicious emails so he "technically" is not in violation.   I just want him to leave me alone!  I leave him alone.  I try to be kind in all of my interactions.  I know he is sick.  I see humor in the ridiculousness of his comments and am able to not take it personally.  I feel like I have become so much healthier, but he is always throwing grenades into my serenity.  It is not fair. I just want him to leave me alone!!!  Is that too much to ask???  I know that he is incapable of what I want.  This behavior will continue unless he gets into a program.  

So what can I do? I use my tools to keep my serenity but I am frustrated.  Frustrated that I can't just be.  Frustrated that I will have to endure this abuse for the foreseeable future.  I am taking care of me and am just seeking peace.  Is that too much to ask for???  OK - thanks for listening.  Rant over.  

PS - After proof-reading this...I see where I need to work a little harder...LOL :)