The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Every day in this program I feel I am making progress. I have been utilizing the God Box and that really helps me to hand things over or let them go. I'm learning to focus more and more on myself and my actions. I realized that I was having difficulty with sleep and I wasn't really doing much to improve it. My sleep issues were a bit complicated (or so I thought) and I would find myself staying up late stewing over things, focusing on things that were not productive or just worrying. Or other times I would wake up in the middle of the night and find myself wide awake immersed in worry. One of my very old ingrained beliefs has been "if I worry about, talk about, focus on a problem long enough I will come to a solution". By spending so much time doing that I was literally losing sleep over my problems. And the more sleepless nights I had the worse it got even if I wasn't worried about something. I am slowly learning that that old belief is not true. It is counter productive and harmful to me. Yet I never thought to take any action to try to improve it. I just thought that was how my life was going to have to be. Then we had a worklife balance training at work and the trainer asked us about our biggest challenges and encouraged us to look at them and try one thing, make one step towards improving the situation. So I went to someone I know who does a lot of work with people on improving sleep. She identified quickly that I drink a lot of coffee especially in the afternoon. We discussed the problem and I decided that I was going to try one small thing I was going to cut out coffee after 1pm instead of my usual cut off time of 4pm. And I slept! I had an almost perfect sleeps for almost a week. Only one night did I have a significant disturbance. And I am thankful for that one day because I felt horrible (my norm at least 4 or 5 nights a week before) and it helped me see how bad I had been feeling on a daily basis. The biggest thing I noticed was how low my mood dipped in the afternoon. I really believed that my sleep problem was so complex that something that simple couldn't fix it. I cannot even tell you what a difference being able to sleep has made for me. I think that because I've been letting go of so much it allowed me to focus on myself. The letting go also allowed me not to worry so much about things at night. If I wake up in the middle of the night and I find myself thinking of something I tell myself to let it go until the morning. I do what I can to hand it over to my HP. The lack of caffeine left me actually feeling tired from my busy day. Now that I am sleeping better I feel much saner. I have energy to do the thing I wasn't able to do before. I"m focusing at work and getting so much more accomplished. It's not perfect but it's a lot better. The whole letting go aspect of the program has helped me not to take things personally. Not to try to control other's actions. I put my AHs drinking in my God box and now I feel very little need to monitor, count, wait for a moment to point out his drunkenness. But what I do notice is he doesn't seem to be as intoxicated as often. He's taking on more responsibility at home and has actually cooked dinner for the family completely on his own and he's enjoying it. The God box didn't fix things all at once but it helped me to let go of focusing on the negatives in my life that I have no control over and helped me start focusing on those things I can change. Myself, my sleep, my own sanity.
I can so relate to thinking that constantly worrying at a problem would eventually solve it.
I remember practicing "staying in the now" (that is a huge part of recovery for me) and how at first I would "stay in the now" for a while and then suddenly find myself in a panic because I had actually stopped worrying for a time! It felt like I had fallen asleep at the wheel.
Example which I shared here a couple of years ago- I spent a lovely afternoon walking with my child and our dog, to the beach and then to a park, and I had forgotten to 'worry" for several hours. And suddenly in the middle of a lovely park on a sunny day I realised that I didn't had a care in the world and I started to panic and try to remember what I had that I should be worrying about. Because if I wasn't worrying about things then surely the universe would fly apart at the seams, I guess. It's nutty now but it was just a way of life back then.
Funny thing I learned in al-anon was that NOT worrying about things and giving them to my HP tended to get them solved a lot faster and more effectively.
Love that you are using the God box and taking practical steps like ensuring you get more sleep. That's both of my favourite slogans rolled into one- "let go and let HP" and "do the next right thing".
Yay for you; recovery looks great on you
I took from it a few awesome reminders... I'm reading that YOU are taking "responsibility" for YOU
(my program definition of responsibility is "able to respond" to my needs.)
...and your use of certain tools like the God Box is helping you use the slogan, LET GO & LET GOD. It looks like you're doing that slogan simultaneously ( the way it works for me too...) letting go of the old crutch while at the same time TRUSTING that God has a better way and will take very good care of us.
Here's what I can share about my experience with LET GO & LET GOD... this is what life is, and will ALWAYS be. A continuous persistent series of surrender... letting go.. and letting go.... and letting go. I do it in this moment, and the next, and tonight and tomorrow... this is going to be my life. For me, letting go is the opposite of fear and the peace is wonderful.
THANK YOU FOR POSTING... I'm going to do like you, have a beautiful day and a peaceful sleep
Great and powerful share KT....I too used to think that the more time spent on an issue would result in a faster solution....I was so wrong and clearly focusing on my will and not HP's will. I am so grateful that our program allows us all to grow and learn at a pace that aligns with our needs! I have never been a good sleeper - even as a small child. I laughingly tell folks what works for me....getting horizontal in bed, sleeping position in place and then trying to read either the Big Book of AA or How Al-Anon Works. Both of these are awesome pieces of literature that I draw from constantly while upright. However, they are both pretty dry reads, so when I am horizontal, they tend to put me out. I can honestly say the Bible does the exact same thing for me!!!
(((Hugs))) - keep working it....looks so very great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Practice, Practice, Practice...that is what I was taught and continue to do on a daily basis 37 years later. This works for me. (((((hugs))))) great share.
Great share -- what a great thing it is to have a good night's sleep! I love that you recognized a problem, sought help from someone else, and tried something new. Yay!
great share.