The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been with my ABF for 3+ years. He drank daily the first 2 years but after several "incidences" and a couple brief break ups, he's realized his drinking is a problem and has drastically cut down in the last year. He'd quit drinking entirely for 2.5-3 months, after another irresponsible incident, then started dabbling with weekend/holiday drinking. This behavior made me very anxious and was the catalyst for me to start attending Al Anon last month.
Over the weekend, our friends got married. They had a small, family ceremony and a low key after party for friends at a local bar. We arrived just before most of the other guests because I had a agreed to help set up some small decorations, tablecloths, etc... From the time we entered the bar my BF was very standoffish. Many of our mutual friends were there and mingling but he kept to himself at a table. I sat by him for a while and chatted with him but as more people arrived, I caught up with friends I hadn't seen in a while. He wandered off several times to smoke a cigarette and eventually played a game of shuffleboard with friends, but came back perturbed and anxious to leave. We stayed about 2.5-3 hours and headed home.
As we were leaving I asked if he'd had a good time, he said not really. That he really wanted to have a beer but he knows it would make me upset "so it's not worth it". He said it wasn't fun that everyone else can have a good time and he can't. While we were there I drank 2 beers, he said it's a double standard.
Burr glad that you have found alanon and are attending. I'm sorry that your partner did not enjoy the wedding and pointed out that you are allowed to drink, and he was not. He felt this was a double standard. Alcoholism is a threefold disease and without support. It is extremely difficult to live with or overcome. I would suggest that your partner try AA and see if that would help them understand the disease.
Keep coming back you're not alone
Hey Burr - I too welcome you and am glad that you've been attending Al-Anon. I believe as you settle in and work the program, you will be able to detach from him, his moods, his views, etc. It is true that alcoholism is progressive and causes distorted thinking. I am sure he was not having fun, but that's not on you - that's on him. So many who have issues with alcohol believe they can fix it, control it, cure it by themselves and that's not usually very successful. I too would encourage him to attend some AA meetings - it is easier to be sober with support and a plan for recovery.
I am sorry you feel insecure - keep working your program and more will be revealed! You are not alone - keep coming back - help and hope are always available with recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
