The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I found this site and have found some posts here that were really relatable offering a level of support while I was simultaneously being emotionally accosted by my ABF.
Got cursed out all day on and off , had videos sent to me ranging from what would be considered "romantic " to hardcore rap which degrades and disrespects women and told up until 8pm that he was "on his way " .
Finally at 8:15 he texts me "hi ! Come see me " accompanied. Y a smiley face emoji .
This morning I receive a text message saying he was free to run errands with me and would spend the day with me , with an apology absent .
About an hour later he tells me he's at the location that we were to meet in the afternoon, doesn't have all day and has plans - finally telling me that he cannot see me today .
I am just so disgusted to my core and so very tired of feeling hurt and emotional despair over this guy who clearly had no love towards me as he claims .
The problem is I spent the whole time in this relationship alone , fell in love with his "representative " and now I'm feeling abandoned and discarded .
I don't know any of the al-anon principals or tools so I'm not sure how to cope .
My stomach is feeling twisted in knots , just sick !!
I don't have anyone I could consider a friend and my family is let's say " everyone concerned with themselves "
Someone help !!! I can't bare these fomhd of loss , being lost , neglected and discarded anymore !!
I think you describe how alcoholism feels, the chaos, irrational behaviour and thinking, the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. I hated this insanity in mymlife but at the same time became addicted to it believing if i was good enough i could tame this beast. I took a long time to learn there was no taming it there was learning about it, learning about me and learnign how to live a spiritual life through alanon meetings sponsor service work etc. There is hope and it sounds like you want change.
GB - if you have access to a local library, you can perhaps check on some Al-Anon literature. If you go to the official Al-Anon website, you'll see a list of books that we read/use to 'right-size' our mind. If you don't have access to a library, you can order books online or at any Al-Anon meeting. Literature for me is a must-have. Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
