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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Closing Out the Birthday....Just a bit of Sadness
Post Info TOPIC: Closing Out the Birthday....Just a bit of Sadness
Iamhere


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Closing Out the Birthday....Just a bit of Sadness
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I learned in Al-Anon to focus on what is working vs. what is not working.  As I reflect on my life since coming to the program, things have improved.  I am grateful beyond words most of the time.  Then, we have those days that society normalizes - birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.  I am working my backside off to focus on the good and be grateful because - 

 - I heard from all of my brothers.

 - I heard from my parents.

 - I heard from several friends.

 - I actually got a hand-written card with poetry from my AH (this has not happened in 20 years....)

 - I heard from one of my sons. 

 - I had a lovely dinner with program friends.

 - I gotta couple of nice from the heart gifts.

Yet, in spite of a successful day and tons of joy and caring, I am sad.  I have two sons and only heard from one.  It is the insanity of my disease that pulls me and my thinking from focusing on all that is good and instead is sad because I did not hear from him.

I know I must feel this and I must process it so I sit with tears flowing down my cheeks and a bit of guilt and shame because he did not reach out.  I didn't expect him to, but I hoped he would.  My heart shouldn't break over this is what the disease tells us yet, my heart is split a bit.  So - now I've shared and I feel better.  I could wallow in this or I can ask God to bring me peace and watch over him and let it go.  

I am amazed that I feel guilty for detaching from him as that's so foreign to what special days are about.  Yet, I know in my head based on my growth that detachment is healthy.  It just doesn't feel that way for me right now in this moment.

I know this too shall pass and that there is nothing normal about this darn disease.  I know that in spite of my sadness, I am very grateful for recovery and Al-Anon as in the past, these type of feelings and days would haunt me longer than an evening.

Thanks for listening MIP family....



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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


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((IAH))) I so understand and am sending positive thoughts to embrace you.
I am glad that you received many well wishes on this your special day.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Calm Lady


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Glad you shared that. ((((IAH))))

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Grateful to put the heavy weight down.

 

 

 
milkwood


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(((((Hugs)))))

I find that when things are good, the gaps can seem more obvious. ((((((More hugs))))))))

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el-cee


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I can relate to your feelings. When we have adult children who are driven by something bigger than us, our expectations cant really be within the 'norm' you know. Its so hard though, especially on your birthday because in the 'normal' world our children will visit, call etc because their minds are clear enough to fit other people in. Whenaddiction is running the show there is no room or very little room for others that aren't helping this disease to thrive. You could see his no show as testament to your detachment, you are no longer one of alcoholisms little helpers, that is huge, well worth celebrating. Your no longer helping him self destruct. I try to remember, where there is life there is hope and you know recently I have heard so many brilliant examples of this. I recently met a young guy who was a heroin addict, in fact the last time I saw him I swear there was that death look on his face, well you should see him, I never even recognized him, hes in recovery, put on weight, looks amazing, even, dare I say it, 'normal.' Theres always hope and your son has the best chance of recovery because you are not enabling him and Mothers make the best, super duper enablers of all time.x 



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pinkchip


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Im sorry. I give your son an imaginary kick in the nads for being insensitive (not hard enough to affect future production of grandkids). Hugs IAH. Happy birthday!

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Ceelee


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(((Iamhere))) Be gentle with yourself. You are only human. Happy belated birthday!



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Iamhere


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(((Hugs))) to all - I knew you all would 'get it' and that's what makes it easier to share where we are when we are there!

I readily admit that PinkChip's post above me made me giggle out loud - which I so needed! It's a new day and I still feel a bit of sadness.

Today is the birthday of my first grandchild! I don't know that I'll get to see him today but we're celebrating birthdays on Sunday so that's alright with me...

I woke up at 4am realizing I double-booked myself tonight - *sigh*. So - I have to do some back-pedaling on a commitment and feel a bit bad about that. Of course, I do my best to hang with winners so either would understand - I just feel bad that I did this. Do you all think I can blame in on my 'age'? Ha.ha.ha.ha....

Love you all for your support and understanding!! Have a great Tuesday!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Mirandac


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Sending you a healing hug, i liked
Pinks reply too :)

((((( Iam )))))



-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:31:27 AM

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2HP


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I too giggled out loud at pinkchip, god bless you, lol

Birthdays stir up my sensitivities... the older I get, the more sensitive I am wondering, what am I doing on this planet anyway? lol

My brain is really something, I can have all these positive things happening but my brain sticks to the NEGATIVE like velcro, I just zero right in on precisely what I don't have or can't have, despite all the Good. I give power to so many (things and people) when I could be giving it to a reliable God.

It helps me to remember that detachment... or letting go and letting God... really is about detachment and attachment simultaneously.   seeking outside myself MUST fail if my true desire is God. In this way, what I believed was "bad" was only an illusion.

Happy Birthday (((dear one)))



-- Edited by 2HP on Tuesday 20th of September 2016 10:16:32 AM

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geems


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Thanks for these beautiful shares my friends.

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