The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I often have a hard time hearing my HP's voice and I pray a lot for the ability to hear it. I want very much to know God's will and to have the power to carry it out. Sometimes I just don't hear anything, and other times, I hear contradictory things. And I don't even know what I want anymore -- I used to have a *very* clear sense of what I did and didn't want, but as I'm discovering myself in recovery in al-anon, I'm learning to hear my own heart's desire, too.
This morning, though, I had a very clear sense of that small, still voice that comes from my Higher Power. I made a decision to do less and be more after listening to that voice. I'm someone who always works a lot -- always keeping busy -- and I've had a little part-time job for a few months now, that I largely took to be more busy on the weekends, rather than waiting around to hear from my abf. So it was a good tool at the time, but I don't need that anymore. I need to be more quiet and less busy. I'm reading the news less, I'm going online less. This morning, I heard my HP's voice telling me to let go of this job, and I did. I'd normally be at that job right now, but instead, I'm going to wrap this up and just sit for a bit, quietly, and meditate. And then clean my dirty house!
I found this prayer by Thomas Merton on an al-anon web site (it's CAL) (they have an online God box on that site, too) and thought I'd share it here -- it's something that speaks to me, and is a good reminder that even deeply spiritual people sometimes struggle with knowing God and knowing themselves:
My Lord God,I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to do so does in fact please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.Thomas Merton - Thoughts in Solitude
Just like you I try to pray and listen for the small, still voice of God. Unfortunately, many times I hear many other voices that seem to speak to me. How do I know which voice is God's? I have learned to discern between the different voices which claim to be from God. I know that the words of God will line up with the Word of God. So if the voice that tells me to curse my abusive husband is not from God, because my God says we should bless our enemies. The voice that tells me to work a second job on Sunday instead of going to church is not God. He would rather want me to go and listen to his Word.
For me HP can and does use what ever and who ever is at hand to reach us and so for me again I can hear HP's voice and or just message from anyone and anywhere. I don't listened to specifically as I have learned that God isn't available just for my wants and needs. Often when I was looking for attention I learned my attention was to go and be with and for others and when I fulfill that my anxiety and fear go away. It is about the service of our recovery that we do I think, rather than the service that can be done to and for and with us. HP's voice is no longer small or still. ((((hugs))))
When I arrived at the doors of AlAnon, I did not believe in god or in listening to any voices, but arrived willing to admit that the direction that I was following, my own, was not pointing me in a healthy direction. After seeing for myself that the recommendations, tools and wisdom work without fail when I work them, I came to the conclusion that any voice that does not reflect those principles is not one I will follow.
Just about everyone has an opinion on what others should do, but most do not have the situational knowledge, insight, or right to give others direction. I am so grateful that I tuned out the voices I heard that led me to insanity, the greatest was my own, and turned toward the guidance from AlAnon. For me, it truly has been a path to serenity and peace, thank you for sharing how it is helping you, too
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I think the prayer is very powerful, especially the second part,"But I believe that the desire to do so does in fact please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone." Thomas Merton
I love the prayer of St. Frances as well and it comes to my mind often when I try to hear The Lord's small, still voice.
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace; that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light; that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen.
