The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for September 17 speaks about our need to belong and to fit in. This need helps us to get along with others and be part of society.
However,in attempting to fit in sometimes we tend to people please and abandon ourselves. People pleasing takes a destructive form when we ignore our own needs and continually sacrifice our well-being for the sake of others.
Al-Anon shows us a way to compromise and allow ourselves to respond to our feelings including our desires to belong and still take care of ourselves. The best way to maintain this balance is to build self-esteem. When I treat myself with kindness and respect, I become better able to get along with others.
We must appreciate the fact that all of our instincts and feelings exists for a reason. Today instead of trying to banish these feelings,we should strive to find a balance.
The quote is from Hillel; " if I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am? And if not now-when?
I love this reading and the reminder that we can take care of ourselves and still belong and support others. That is why Al-Anon suggests that we keep the focus on ourselves, nurture our own well-being and then be able to reach out to others with kindness and compassion. We don't have to make ourselves invisible or our needs unimportant. How great is that.
Good morning Betty - thank you for today's daily and your service. Your ESH is always appreciated. I spent a ton of time and energy 'helping others' before Al-Anon which on the surface sounds lovely. However, it was not always done with no expectation in return. Because I went out of my way to do for others, I expected that in return. I unintentionally caused myself heartache and resentments as I just could not understand that we are all different beings with different values.
When I came to Al-Anon, and it was suggested to keep the focus on me vs. others, it was hard. I tried to the best of my ability and then as a black/white thinker, almost overdid it. I would be so focused on me that I was a bit selfish. With a good sponsor and tons of practice, I am more balanced today than ever before. Each day, I try to consider my wants/needs, and do accordingly. I also help others and have redefined this as service. For me, it only matters when I help others with no expectations and because I can/have time.
Lovely reading, lovely morning - grateful for this day and all of you. Enjoy - out the door in a bit for softball tourney!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
