The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My trust in my husband is the one greatly and severely damaged in our relationship.Being aware and accepting the reality of alcoholic behaviors, he could just be doing a ploy or manipulation. I have to admit I do doubt his sincerity and honesty even after that heart to heart talk that his drinking is the problem in our marriage.I need to talk to him about this area, because it is important to the boundary that I have set to care for myself. I have to rebuild this trust and that I cannot simply do it by just merely and simply putting it in place at once.It was destroyed over time and it will take sometime to rebuild it.There has to be a lot of transparency most especially in the whereabouts area.There are times when I will just have to simply take his word and believe, but there will also be times of intense doubt that I have to assure myself of the truth.I have to assure myself that its alright to trust him back. This is not to threaten him as I could have done before, this is not to make him stop drinking. This is about me, regaining my ability and capacity to trust.
Hello Jocelgp I have found that once I developed a trust in HP, my ability to Trust myself and my inner guidance increased and I did not need to attempt to trust others blindly.
I am at the point that I trust HP and that what I need to know I will know in time to act. Keep using your tools, focus on yourself, let go and let God and the truth will surface. HP will grant you the serenity, courage and wisdom you need to live life on life's terms.
When I learned about the disease then I began to trust me in my knowledge that alcoholics lie driven by the cravings, they may steal driven by the cravings, they manipulate etc driven by the disease they suffer from. I began to trust me that I would accept that when the drinker in my life told me they were going to do this or that then yes in that moment they mean it but because I learned about the disease I trust myself to know that I cant expect the plans and promises to come to fruition.
Trust for me is about me. Rebuilding trust for me isn't really a thing that can be decided or discussed and its not dependant on anything an active alcoholic says, ever, its based on keeping my expectations realistic. An alcoholic will behave like an alcoholic and that will change with a determined effort to recover through a program like AA.
Thank you for your thoughts. That is what I'm praying for and striving to do, to trust myself, not to self-doubt, to build back my confidence. That I am responsible for my own actions, thoughts and decisions and that I should be strong and yet gentle to myself to face consequences, be it victories or failures, whether I was right or wrong, ready to ask for forgiveness should I realize that I have done harm, and humble enough to forgive those who have wronged me.
