The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was the first time I have been out of the house by myself in three weeks. I spent some time thinking about why I've done this, and I think I've found those answers, what I don't know, is how to stop the cycle.
reasons for isolation: fear of what my A's will think, fear of what I will walk into when I get home, fear that somebody will see through me, guilt that I'm doing something for me are just a few of the reasons I came up with.
My question is, how do I fix this. I'm attending mip meetings, but there are no face to face meetings close by.
- Take a walk around the block. Step back in - if all appears well, do it again. I now walk every day with my pup - 2-5 miles depending upon her stamina, my mood, the heat/weather, etc.
- Go to a shop. Walk around window shopping.
- Invite a friend to coffee.
- Check out free passes to local gyms. Try a few.
- Gardening - great for my soul - and out of the home but still close by.
Hope these help! Breaking the isolation can be tough so any effort today is a great effort and a miracle in progress!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I second all of Iamhere's suggestions. I would sometimes imagine that all sorts of horrible things would happen if I weren't there -- if you write out the things you *think* could happen if you're not on site, you might see them as a teensy bit far-fetched and be able to then let go and get out. And of course, for every time that you go a little bit further afield and the house doesn't burn down, and no one hits their head and dies, then you can (well, I could) see the absurdity of the depth of the feelings of control. SOmething I heard in recovery was to also think about when bad things have happened, and how you've gotten through them. I've been through a whole lot and always survived, so that puts some of my worries in perspective. And for me, knowing that other al-anons have this same behavior/way of thinking is so helpful. When I hear about (in meetings or here on this board or from speakers) other al-anons similar experiences, i can see how crazy it is. Once I realized it was part of the disease, it helped me see it in its true perspective and let go of it. Good luck!
Thank you both! Yes, it really does seem insane when you put it the way you did! I actually laughed at myself, but I know that's only a small step. Tomorrow, I will try one of Iamhere's suggestions.
Daily walks work for me. We live in the wilds here in Italy and nature is my cure most days. Yesterday a running hare came bounding past me on the road. Just wow and such a gift!
Lovely suggestions from IAH. I like to paint as well so sometimes I go out with my camera in search of pretty scenes to capture.
I get the guilt thing, did that for ages, but these days I don't think that there is any guilt in taking responsibility for my own well-being.
(((Searchingforpeace)) I would just like to add that while you are participating in any one of IAH's suggestions you could be reciting the serenity prayer over and over in your mind That a and joining the library(sometimes they have book club meetings) are what helped me.
You are not alone.
