The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 20 some years of living in craziness the steps, to me, we're such a beautiful gift that it brings tears to my eyes to know the peace I have just for today!
When I first started step 1 I took it to all kind of extremes because I am an "all or nothing" kind of person; there is not a single person in my life not affected by this step because I have spent my life "knowing" what is best for everyone and "helping" them realize what they needed to change. My fabulous 16 year old son is one of the most laid back people I've ever met and more times than not he would leave his lunch at home (that I lovingly packed with healthy body and nutrition in mind), and I would be upset, not only that he didn't care enough that I packed it but also because I would have to take the 20 minute drive to get it to him when he called. Beginning this school year I said I was done packing his lunches, he was perfectly capable of doing it and typically while I was packing his lunch he was laying on his bed, phone in hand as usual. If he wanted me to help him I offered to do it the night before with him but not in the morning because he's usually running late from staying in bed until the last absolute minute. This morning, like the last two weeks, as he was running out the door to not miss his ride WITHOUT a lunch in his hand I had to smile. There is nothing left in me that panics because he won't make it through the day, he's not going to starve and he certainly gets his fill when he gets home.
As I count my blessings daily, I'm so thankful that I found the steps at a time in my son's life where it's critical to start making your own decisions in preparation for adulthood.
A favorite saying of mine that goes with this step goes something like this:
If you tell a person something 1 time it's a statement, twice it's nagging, 3 times it's control.
Thank you for sharing. I am the same way. This morning my son forgot his contacts so he won't be able to see all day in school. I drive him and my daughter to school. Right away I took the burden. I felt like it was up to me to solve the problem. We would have been late if we tried to go back and get them. We didn't and hopefully he will learn not to leave them at home next time.
I'm still very new at all this and I know I will worry about it thru the day.
Great shares and I can so relate to my 'want/need to help'. My boys are now 24 and 22 and they are still alive, learning life as they go through it. I have to say that they did hear me more than I ever thought - my oldest lives with his fiance and she says, My oh my - that boy can clean!!!
Cleaning and organizing were two of my go to comfort things in recovery. When I didn't know what to do with myself, I would try to be productive around the house. Well - the good is my house got clean and my son learned....I am blessed he is not obsessed (I kind of am)!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I love it! and especially love step one which helps me focus on me... I am powerless over (alcoholism, for sure. But also over the past and the things I did in the past to contribute to my own unhappiness.) I am so happy that it looks like the steps will help you as they did me, to become a more responsible parent, like a stable bow for Higher Power to use in sending another beautiful arrow out into the world. Good for everyone!!!
Oh boy, this all really hits home. The taking of responsibilities that are now ours to take, and the nagging/control thing. Sometimes I become like a broken record! I wish I had found this program about 50 years ago. All this time I thought I was the only "right" person on earth because I was so busy taking care of things for everyone else.
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"put yourself in the place where grace can flow to you." - robert lax
