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I was listening to AA speakers on you tube and the speaker was talking about how this disease has many aspects to it or many symptoms and while we may deal with denial and the obsession with the drinker in our lives what I hadnt realised was that other things crop up and take the place of the original obsession. So for me I am no longer obsessed with the drinkers in my life, im free of that but Im a prisoner of other obsessions ranging from other people in my life to my work to my diet to exercise etc. So Im still drunk, or the equivalent. The speaker goes on to say we have to be vigilant for this and its tied in with ego. We have to continually work the steps, doing a regular inventory of where we are and whats slipped and keep on it. its a life long program and I have so much work to do on myself. Ultimately my goal is emotional sobriety and while I have so much more that I began with, Im still within the disease in many ways. Thanks for reading.x
Hi el-cee, thank you for sharing this. I am coming to realize that the obsessiveness/compulsive thoughts are indeed "in there" in my mind and seem to just be waiting for something or someone to latch on to. The behavior/attention from an addict is an easy place for these compulsive thoughts to focus on, but they can find all sorts of other targets! I never really got it before when people said this is a lifelong program and there's no such thing as graduating from al-anon. I get it now.
That is so true! I have many addictions that have shown up throughout my life. Right now it is my AH or his sickness. I find that if he starts to sober up I start to lose interest and move on to something else to obsess over.
Thank you for the insight.
Plus thanks for the you tube idea! I can't get to meetings as often as I would like and I never thought of you tube!
Hi LC, Thanks for posting this important message. I have found that I must keep coming back as I am never cured but must keep using the tools and need the support of the fellowship.
The C2C reading for September 9 speaks about being trapped inside our own bodies suffering, pain and not being unable to reach out, because we have learned how to play the denial and pretend game. We think if we look happy we can be fool others.
I do not ever want to revert back to my old tools that fly overhead and are ever ready for me to call on I need meetings, sponsees, this Board to keep program fresh in my mind and heart so that I will continue to trust HP.
Have a lovely day
Great topic El-Cee and I can honestly say that my obsessing nature isn't limited to what brought me here to this program. As I reflect on my life, I can see where I have struggled with balance and moderation (my goals) often - from shopping to exercise to food, etc...I am so grateful that there is no expectation of graduation - I would obsess over 'that' and doing it 'perfect'.
I've actually (not recommended) stepped away from both sides of the program, rationalizing it with family duties, kid commitments/activities, job, etc. I can say that each and every time I put other life things, responsibilities in front of my recovery program, my emotions/thinking slip. I've never wanted to go out and drink as one in recovery in AA, but I have returned to old behaviors. I have the best chance of moderate living and more balance when I have daily structure AND keep my program my priority. Doing something each and every day to remind me why I am in recovery helps me stay closer to the middle of the boat.
Like Betty, my hope is to never revert back to my old ways/tools. I know exactly where they are stored and I hope I've tossed that key far enough away to not find it again!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
