The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. I am new to all of this. My stepdaughter went into rehab three weeks ago and should be coming home in about three more weeks. Honestly I am scared to death for her. We are trying to all we can to get things in place to support her but I am still terrified that she will go back to sinking and using.
Welcome Stepdad
You may not be able to influence whether she goes back to using or takes advantage of the rehab.
AlAnon meetings will help you see your path (if that is your question).
There you will find parents like you whose children are like yours. You are not alone.
Keep coming back.
Welcome stepdad Please search out alanon face to face meeting and attend. It is here you will develop constructive tools to live by and at the same time find a support network to help at this difficult time.
Keep coming back here as well
I too welcome you to MIP Stepdad. Jill is spot on - it is in Al-Anon that I found the support needed to better understand the disease and the diseased. I learned the 3 C(s) - I didn't cause this, I can't control this and I can't cure this. Al-Anon did give me the tools to find my own peace again and joy no matter what my qualifiers were doing (or were not doing).
The disease is powerful and progressive. It's also considered a family disease, as it reached out beyond the drinker to the family. Without knowing, we often respond to the disease and develop warped coping skills. Al-Anon recovery is for family and friends of the diseased, where AA is for them/their recovery.
There is hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks everyone, my wife and I are going to go to an alanon meeting this weekend. I think what scares me most is the realization that her dad is not really on board with keeping her away from her old friends.
The "good" news is that her determination to change her life will come from her, rather than from other people trying to control her environment. If she is serious about recovery, she will know to steer clear of her old friends. They will cover this extensively in rehab. If she is not serious, she will relapse whether or not her old friends are around (sad to say). I know how anxiety-producing it can be and how much we want everything to be controlled that can be contolled. The real truth is that the control comes from her, rather than from her surroundings.
Glad you have a meeting to go to. No one should have to go through this without support. Hang in there.
I agree whole heartedly with what Mattie said. I to was very anxious when my Ad left rehab and worried about her connecting up with old friends, getting back into the same old patterns as she had previously. This has not happened to date and she is making all the decisions for her life that she needs to make to remain sober. When she first went she stated she wasn't going to a sober living house, I said worry about that later, (she went), she was always against AA, its stupid, doesn't work (she goes to a meeting almost every day 10 months into sobriety). My point is their attitude changes along with their behaviours as has mine. Keep the focus on you as much as possible and get the support of other parents who have been through it. It is invaluable. When my daughter was ready to surrender, nothing has stopped her. Good luck and blessings to your family.
I didn't find Al anon until my wife was in rehab 2nd time. So glad I did. I came to understand what I could and couldn't control, and what was mine and what was hers to own.
It's a rough scarey ride, but with fellowship it can be made. My meeting has a number of folks in there with addict kids, folks who are stronger than I can ever imagine. I'm glad you are going. Do keep coming back here too!
I know that letting go and recognizing that this is her recovery is going to be very hard for us. We are trying to help give her as fresh a start as we can and then set her on her way. It's kind of odd though, you are so used to protecting your child and now when the danger is greatest you realize in the end it wil be up to them.
Stepdad - you are so spot on - I hear you big time. I had to keep reminding myself over and over and over and over that God doesn't have grandchildren. That really brought me peace as I came to the reality of how powerless I am over this disease. Meetings and the tools helped me more than words can say - steps, sponsor, etc. (((Hugs))) - one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You guys are great. Thank you for all your support. I am so looking forward to going to a meeting this weekend. Her employer just notified us of additional usage that we were not aware of. He is very supportive and hopeful for her recovery but realized that he had a serious problem in his restaurant and was looking for info so he could clean house. Ugh!
My AH and I found out that my 32 year old stepdaughter is addicted to meth. We found out after my 12 year old granddaughter asked us to remove her from her home due to neglect. My stepdaughter refuses to get help.
Thank God that I had found Alanon a few months ago when dealing with my husband's alcoholism, as it has given me the strength and tools to help lead our family (including my husband's ex-wife) through dealing with this.
I have to believe there is always hope. I know people who have gone through recovery and then became therapists who help others through their recovery.
-- Edited by Kcsnooze on Friday 9th of September 2016 08:05:08 PM
Great share Kcsnooze - sorry about your daughter but how amazing that your g-daughter was mature/comfortable enough to reach out for help! That is a miracle in my book. Like you, I also believe there is always hope. The recovery door never closes no matter who walks in, walks back out and returns. That applies to both sides of the room.
Stepdad - would love to hear about your experience when you get to the meeting. One thought if you have not yet heard it - if you're not feeling it at your first meeting, try another and/or a different group. I was welcomed at the first group I went to - lovely folks but it was huge!!!!! I ended up hearing about another group and gave it a try. It felt more like home for me as I tend to get anxious in larger groups/crowds. Just a thought as you explore the support in your area.
I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers for you all.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks again to everyone for all of your encouragement. I went to my first meeting this morning and found a temp sponsor. Hearing everyone is both difficult and encouraging at the same time. I am going to take the advice though and sample several groups. This group was very welcoming and supportive though.
Yay for you stepdad - so glad that you went and that you found a temp. sponsor - that's huge! Feel good about taking care of you - you deserve peace of mind and joy....it is the disease and the way it reaches out that makes us wonder if that is true. One day at a time, one step at a time.
Thanks for taking the time to come back and share! Keep coming back...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
