The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
Tonight the ah and I went out with the kids for dinner at a local pub. I don't know if Americans do pubs but basically pubs have full kitchens and bars, its all very casual. Kind of. Some are nicer than others and I've never been to our local, but I didn't feel like cooking and they do 12 dollar steaks on Wednesdays.
I don't think I'd like to go back there though. The food was passable but the vibe was sad to me.
I can't believe I ever a: spent time in these places or b: felt threatened by my husband spending time in these places. There were varying degrees of alcoholics about. It just struck me as a big illusion, one I can relate to, but don't feel I ever quite understood till now. I am so grateful I'm not a drunk anymore! So,so grateful. Yet so aware of how I could still be any day I let alcoholic thinking seduce me.
On the flip side, well what I was reminded of most of all was alcoholism is a disease. Truly, no one who wasn't suffering from it would want to be losing hours there. No one wants to be that paralytic, or so focused on getting buzzed the smell of beer drenched carpets completely eludes one, a false mind altered state that tells you you're happy when so clearly you are not. I don't believe any alcoholic is truly happy. Nor can I help one who doesn't wish to be helped, support anyone who doesn't want sobriety because they're sick and tired of drunkenness .I didn't feel better than anyone there. I just felt lucky.
And totally uncomfortable with having my daughter in a pub, ever at all, not because the environment was unsafe or even particularly unsavoury despite my descriptions, but because the thought of it breaks my heart. I guess I see something in her I hope im just paranoid about.
Anyway, it was a good experience for me overall. It was sobering for both sides of the alcoholism fence. I don't think my husband particularly enjoyed it, he's been up working for a few weeks. Its been OK. He knows where I stand on him being drunk around us and is a bit more helpful around the house. Still. I stopped seeing him as a type of hero and now he's just a human lol. Relief for us both but I don't think I'll ever drop my guard entirely. I try to take each day as it comes and not read too deeply into things. When its good its good when its not detach and don't get drawn in. Two of the babies start school next year, time has just flown.
I'm grateful for it all.
((A41)) Great awareness. I have felt a similar reaction when I enter the "Bar scene.
I visit with my sister each week and she continually regales me with her bar experiences and that of her friends. I am no longer entertained nor find the stories interesting, as I see the illusion and denial. Recovery is such a gift.
(((A41))) - great share and great gratitude!!! I admit I too am half-nauseating going into a pub - and we do have them here! I truly thought it was just me, and that it was an age thing. I vividly remember glamming up, and heading out for the 'night club scene'......It seems like a life-time ago, and certainly like an entirely different person went there most nights, including week-day...
As I reflect on your post, I am a different person! So - technically, that part of my thoughts is 'real'. Recovery has helped me be a secure, strong, loving person who doesn't need 'all that' to feel special. Around here, smoking is no longer allowed inside any buildings, and the smell of stale smoke hangs right there with the stale beer/alcohol.
Give me a picnic in a park or a take-out pizza any day over that scene - I am also grateful for where I am, what I have and what I can be!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Ladies. The gratitude rolls on, I Love being older than I was. I've learnt to do things I don't want to do, like housework! I do credit this to alanon principles, isn't that funny? We just got back in the door with bags of groceries and I was both surprised and grateful to my 6am self that cleaned the kitchen! Its become a good habit. Don't put off what can be done. Xx
Me three - love having a clean orderly home. I have always found some level of comfort in housework. I think for me that so many things have an unknown ending/outcome. When I begin a task - cleaning a room, closet, windows, etc. - there is a before/after and a process to get from there to here. It's a great feeling to know I can accomplish something and make a difference!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((A41))I agree, alanon principles and tools have helped me become more organized and able to accomplish many chores that I once neglected.