I have truly been blessed in ways that boggle my mind with friendships and lessons from very powerful women in my life.  I'm starting to include men as well .. usually it doesn't fair to well for them .. poor Morty the Mortician .. lol.  Sigh .. there was also my barstool cowboy and that is a story in a half if I did not recently share that I will later. 

One of my very best friends is back in the hospital.  I am heartbroken.  There have been some signs over the years of alcohol abuse, however she would have periods of being dry and knowing what I know I really should have seen it sooner.  I don't know if it would have made a difference .. what I do know is my friend is very, very ill. 

There is a lot of irony to our relationship .. first is we have never met.  During the time we have known each other and we are not talking months we are talking years .. I have known this woman since my beautiful girl was 2 years of age and before my son.  Before her daughter was born and when her boys were all in middle school, or high school.  I have been on the phone as she has almost lost 2 of her boys to illnesses that should have taken them.  She has lost her mother, her father, her baby brother, I have watched as she went through marital issues as well as her middle son struggle and almost die from his own addiction issues.  It has been hear breaking to watch her go through these things and know all I could offer was no hugs, just reassurance and an ear that this too shall pass.  I have witnessed many miracles in her life.  She has been there with me through thick and thin.  My X situation during the good times of my marriage and some incredibly dark times as well.  I honestly can't imagine not being able to pick up the phone when I am in my darkest hour and not know if she will be there or not.  She has been my rock through so much and I am saddened to think how much pain has hidden in such a beautiful soul. 

Recently I felt something was off.  We talk or text at least daily .. I won't know how to act without doing that with her.  It will be a long period of adjustment for me.  I found out she was in the hospital and I didn't ask a lot of questions, she told me it was a blood infection and I let it go.  She was home and I was happy for her to be home.  Well, come to find out her best friend contacted me again to let me know she was back in the hospital and as it turns out the last year her drinking has been completely out of control.  She has abused her body in ways no one was aware of, she is going to have to go on a list for a liver transplant, her kidney's are damaged and so is her pancreas.  I'm not sure what all this means I do know she is far sicker than just her body is showing.  She can of course quit drinking on her own.  (do realize I said that with a whole lot of sarcasm attached to it, no she can't or her body would not be in the shape it is)

Over the last year I have had suspicions .. you don't spend that much time with someone on the phone and not know when they are not all with it, .. I could tell more than once she had been drinking .. I did not confront her because I rationalized it away.  There was one evening I called and I never do that and she was definitely drunk.  Listening to her talk to her spouse I knew something was way off.  Again .. being so damn far away what could I say and who would I say it to.  I feel some guilt (this is highly unusual for me as I don't do a lot of guilt in stuff like this) that I didn't say something to her .. then I remember what good would it have done. 

I did hear from her today and I know she will not be happy that I know what is going on with her.  I let her know in a very gentle way that I knew she was in the hospital and that I love her and am very concerned for her.  I had checked with her BFF before disclosing I was aware of the situation.  She's already in enough pain I did not want to be the reason for more frustration and her response was that was fine there is was no point in worrying about it now. 

Anyway, please put my friend Pat on your prayer lists.  She has a long road and no one knows how much damage can be repaired and my the God of her understanding lead her a place that she can find peace and healing. 

Thanks and hugs, S :(